


'Twas My Own Heart

by mayangel7



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Royalty, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 20:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5019640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayangel7/pseuds/mayangel7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minseok has always imagined brighter futures and clearer skies outside the palace walls. He spends so much time looking out that he almost misses the opportunities of happiness just an arm's length away. (Goong!AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Twas My Own Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for seokmonsters. Many thanks to unkentrollable for beta-reading!

Their first interview occurs one week after the marriage. In a few hours, after the scenes have been edited and deemed acceptable, the interview will air on national television. 

Joonmyun is nervous. Minseok can tell by the way he’s biting his lips, fidgeting in his seat. He’s tempted to take his hand and give him some last minute tips, but Minseok just sits down in his seat. They’re going to be doing this often, and the sooner Joonmyun gets used to this, the better. 

Their answers have already been scripted for them and they’ve rehearsed beforehand. Minseok sits back in his chair as the cameras focus on them. For the first few minutes, Joonmyun sits on the edge of his chair, looking like he’s about to run any minute. But then the guest makes a joke, Joonmyun laughs, and the mood is considerably more relaxed after that. 

“How is your highness adjusting to the royal palace?” the interviewer asks Joonmyun. 

“I was scared at first,” Joonmyun confesses, his fingers playing absentmindedly with his cufflinks. “But the court ladies are very nice, so it’s not that bad.” 

Then the interviewer turns to Minseok. “This is a question that I’m sure most Korean citizens would like to know. How did your highnesses first meet each other?” 

“Our grandparents were close friends,” Minseok says. “We met each other when we were kids, and we just kept in touch. And when I decided that I wanted to marry… I didn’t have anyone else in mind.” 

It’s a simple story and not far from the truth, even if a few details are left out here and there. Their marriage isn’t very traditional; it’s the first time a crown prince’s partner was a commoner, and it’s also the first time for a crown prince to marry another man. Yet the majority of the people are very supportive of the wedding, and it’s certainly helped the royal family’s reputation. 

“You didn’t have anyone else in mind?” Joonmyun says the moment the interview is finished. “Do you really think the people are going to believe that?” 

“What was I supposed to tell them? The truth? This—” Minseok makes a wide gesture with his arm, indicating the interview, the cameras, their marriage—“is all just an act for the people. They pay us to keep up this performance.” 

“It’s not like that,” Joonmyun begins. 

There are too many people watching. Minseok pulls his hand away from Joonmyun’s grasp, looking down at his phone. “I have to go.” They usually travel by the same car, but this time, Minseok had gotten his own driver to come. “I’ll see you later,” Minseok calls over his shoulder. Joonmyun is still standing there, but Minseok doesn’t wait for him to answer as he gets into the car and shuts the door. 

The drive to the airport is slow, and the wait at the airport’s entrance seems even longer. Minseok plays with his phone as they wait outside. He’s tempted to walk inside, but so far, no one seems to have noticed him yet. 

A light tap on the window makes him look up, and then the door opens. “I told you I could’ve taken a taxi.” 

“Luhan.” Minseok reaches over to take Luhan’s bag, putting it in the seat between them as Luhan gets into the car. “How was the flight?” 

“Awful.” Luhan turns to buckle his seatbelt as they drive out of the airport. “I heard you got married, though.” He looks over at Minseok and flashes him a bright grin. “Congratulations. Sorry I couldn’t make it to your wedding.” 

“It’s fine. It wasn’t that big of a deal, anyway. You probably wouldn’t have liked standing there in a suit and tie.” 

Luhan hums softly in agreement. “Hey, do you think they’ll let me into the palace with these clothes?” He gestures to his sweatshirt and ripped jeans. “I got my ears pierced, too.” 

Minseok stares at the piercing. It’s small and cheap, glinting from the sun’s rays. “You should probably take that off,” he says, reaching behind Luhan’s ear to take the earring off. He drops it in Luhan’s outstretched palm. Luhan’s hair is a shocking blond color, but Minseok doesn’t mention it. 

Luhan puts his earrings away and turns to Minseok. “I’ll greet your parents tomorrow. You think they’ll be happy to see me?” 

“Of course.” Luhan had been to the palace many times when he was younger, and he’d quickly managed to win over most of the people who lived there, including the King and Queen.

“Are you going to introduce me to your husband?” Luhan nudges Minseok with his elbow, smiling mischievously. “I’ve seen him on TV. He looks really cute.” 

“Cute?” Minseok smiles. “You’ll see him tomorrow,” he says, taking Luhan’s hand to stop the other from poking him. “Right now, I just want to relax.” Maybe even turn back time, back to when they were still kids and they weren’t years and oceans apart. 

“Is it that stressful?” Luhan’s thumb traces random shapes on the back of Minseok’s hand. The movement is strangely comforting. 

“Very.” Minseok leans his head against the headrest. “I feel like my face is permanently stretched into a smile.” The past few days had been constant publicity, having to pose for the cameras and speak to the people for hours on the end. 

“Really?” Luhan reaches out to push up one corner of Minseok’s lips. Minseok frowns at him as Luhan moves his finger away, but Luhan just laughs loudly, unapologetically. 

After a few more minutes of glaring at Luhan, Minseok can’t control his laughter anymore. He can see the driver looking at them through the rearview mirror, startled by the sound, but it doesn’t matter. 

Because, like this, smiling doesn’t hurt that much anymore. This is why he’d managed to endure the past week; just being with Luhan makes everything simpler. 

“Has the palace changed much?” Luhan asks, staring out the window as they stop before the palace gates. 

“Just a few renovations.” Minseok takes Luhan’s hand as they step outside. “Come on, I’ll show you around.” 

 

After staying up so late talking with Luhan in his room, Minseok is surprised that he still manages to wake up so early the next morning. They’d tried to bridge a year’s distance in the span of a night, talking until they’d fallen asleep on the couch. The sun is already peeking through the open window. Luhan is a little harder to wake up, grumbling about the time difference as he squints against the sunlight. 

“You can see the King and Queen later this morning,” Minseok explains as they’re escorted to the dining room. “The King is a meeting right now.” 

Joonmyun is already sitting at the table when they step inside. He stands as they enter, his, “Good morning,” trailing off in confusion when he sees Luhan standing next to Minseok. 

“I’m Minseok’s friend,” Luhan explains, noticing Joonmyun’s glance. 

“He’s my ex-boyfriend,” Minseok says at the same time, receiving two shocked looks. “What?” Minseok sits down in his chair. “It’s true. I would have married Luhan if he hadn’t gone back to China and gotten a Chinese citizenship.” He picks up his cup of tea carefully, blowing at the steam. “Sit down,” he says, pulling on Luhan’s arm. 

Luhan laughs, sounding strained and awkward. “We’ve broken up, though. There’s nothing between us anymore.” 

“I’m just telling him,” Minseok says. “You wanted to hear the truth yesterday, didn’t you?” He directs the question at Joonmyun, but the other doesn’t look at him as he continues eating. 

“I don’t think you should have said that,” Luhan tells him later, when they’re sitting together in Minseok’s room. He’s flipping through a magazine on Minseok’s desk, pausing here and there to read about his favorite idols. 

“Why not?” Minseok looks up from the speech he’s reading over, twirling a pen between his fingers. “We’re married. I shouldn’t have to hide anything from him.” 

“He doesn’t look happy.” Luhan’s words are soft after the moment of silence that stretches between them, but Minseok hears his words anyway. 

“He is, just not… around here.” He’s seen Joonmyun laughing loudly as he’d talked to his friends at school, and the small smile on Joonmyun’s face as he walks through the garden. “He hasn’t gotten used to life around here, I guess.” Not counting the week they’ve been married, Joonmyun has been here for a month. It’s not easy to adjust to the sudden change in social class and eras that distance the palace from the city that lies outside of its walls. 

“You aren’t making it easier on him.” Luhan’s words are too straightforward, but they’re true. No one else would dare tell Minseok these words, and Minseok thinks this is why he both enjoys and dreads Luhan’s presence. “He had to move into the palace, leave behind his family, transfer to a different high school, and get used to the palace life. Even if you guys aren’t romantically attached yet, you could at least try to be his friend.” Luhan turns around in his chair, quickly changing the serious mood with a bright smile. “Have you guys even had your first night together yet?” 

“We’re not even adults yet,” Minseok reminds him. “Just high school students.” 

“But you know how the elders are…” Luhan’s voice rises playfully at the end of his sentence, and Minseok throws his pen at him. 

“Hopefully, it won’t be for another few years.” He hasn’t even had a proper conversation with Joonmyun yet. 

“You know, what you told him wasn’t the truth.” Luhan plays with the pen as he talks, frowning down at his fingers when the pen just falls from his hands instead of spinning around his thumb. “We broke up years ago.” 

It was during the beginning of their ninth grade year. Minseok still remembers the day vividly, remembers how Luhan had suggested that they should just be friends. 

“We still have the rest of our lives to be boring adults,” he’d said, as they lay on their backs and stared up at the white clouds drifting overhead. “Let’s just be friends for now.” 

They’d been dating for two years, but other than more hand-holding and Luhan coming to the palace more often, nothing had changed. It was easy for Minseok to agree. It hadn’t mattered then, as long as Luhan was still there. 

But Luhan had left a year later, and although they’d never lost contact and Minseok had visited him the year before, the gap between them was obvious. 

“When my parents told me that I had to get married, I told them that I preferred men over women. I hoped that it would buy me more time, but they were happy about the news. Turns out, the person they’d picked out for me was a boy all along.” 

It’s because the King and Queen have another son, Jongdae, to give them the grandchildren, royal inheritors of the throne. 

“We didn’t get married because you were ready to marry, and I wasn’t. I’m still surprised you got married so quickly,” Luhan says, grinning at him. “The announcement of your engagement, the wedding, and then the interview yesterday—I could barely keep up. Are you ready to spend the rest of your life with your husband?” 

“No,” Minseok says, telling the truth because this is Luhan, and there’s no one else he trusts more. “I didn’t want to be committed before I even had a chance to fall in love, but I guess it’s okay.” He’d always known, though, that there were few things that he had control over in his life. But he’d never expected to marry Kim Joonmyun, of all people, because of one promise. 

“I didn’t come here so I could pity your sad life,” Luhan says, throwing the pen back at Minseok. 

Minseok catches it with one hand and returns Luhan’s grin. “I know.” 

 

Even though they live in the same palace, it’s easy to avoid Joonmyun. Minseok’s schedule is almost always busy, and he spends most of his free time in his room anyway. With Luhan around, it’s more of an excuse to not stop by and see Joonmyun. 

They eat their meals together whenever they can, and Minseok has Joonmyun’s schedule memorized, but he still refuses to be with Joonmyun longer than necessary. It’s partially because he’s just being stubborn, resisting just for the sake of resisting. If they’re going to spend the rest of their lives together, why should he see Joonmyun so much now? 

It’s hard to avoid Joonmyun, though, when the other nearly crashes into Minseok in the garden. He’s riding a bike, turning too quickly as the tires roll over some of the flowers. 

“What are you doing?” Minseok asks, his voice coming out sharper than he’d intended. 

It makes Joonmyun stop, though, pedaling backwards to come to an abrupt halt. He turns, placing a foot on the ground to steady himself. “Riding a bike,” he says, his tone almost derogatory. 

Minseok glances at the bike, with its rusty red frame and missing reflectors. He’s never ridden a bike before, and he wonders where Joonmyun had found this one in the palace. “Don’t you have lessons right now?” 

The change of expression is too obvious on Joonmyun’s face, the way the smile on his face slips away, replaced by a slight frown and a furrow between his eyebrows. “In a few minutes.” 

“Get there,” Minseok says, turning away. “You don’t want to fall behind.” 

It’s too harsh, but Minseok doesn’t take his words back as he walks away. He hears Joonmyun bike away, and his warning cries and his apologies when he bumps into something else. 

Minseok takes a book from his room and finds Luhan, who’s sitting outside under the pavilion, staring at the phone in his hand. Minseok takes a seat next to him and opens his book. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, when Luhan snickers down at his phone. 

“Looking on my phone.” Luhan exhales a soft puff of breath near Minseok’s ear, leaning his head on Minseok’s shoulder as he places his feet on the bench. 

Minseok can tell when Luhan falls asleep as his head starts bobbing from side to side. Several times, Minseok has to reach over and hold on to him so he doesn’t fall off entirely. He reads with a hand on Luhan’s head, partially for support but also just for the relaxing feeling as he strokes Luhan’s warm hair. 

That’s how Joonmyun finds him a few hours later. He’s out of breath, cheeks flushed from having run from his lesson and hair disheveled. His eyes, bright with excitement, dim noticeably when he sees Minseok. 

“What is it?” Minseok asks, dropping his hand from Luhan’s hair. 

“It’s nothing.” Joonmyun’s smile is too stiff, too forced. It’s too obvious that he’s not used to lying, not used to hiding his feelings. It makes Minseok wince inside because it’s one of the most crucial skills as a member of the royal family. Yet at the same time, it makes Joonmyun more real, an ordinary boy that Minseok wants to protect from the harsh realities of palace life. 

He can’t, Minseok reminds himself as he gently shakes Luhan awake. “Just tell me,” he says, letting a note of impatience slip into his voice. “You’re done with your lesson already?” 

“Yeah.” Joonmyun reaches up to try to fix his hair, only succeeding in making it stick up more as he runs his fingers through the messy strands. “I finished early.” He hesitates, chewing on his lower lip, before he exhales, blowing at his bangs. “Do you want to ride the bike?” 

“No thanks,” Minseok says, staring down at his book again. 

“Yes, he does,” Luhan says, sitting up from where he’d been leaning on Minseok. His intrusion on the conversation is not appreciated, and Minseok tries to convey this feeling in the look he gives Luhan, which the other simply ignores. “He just doesn’t know how.” 

“I can teach you,” Joonmyun suggests. His tone is bright, hopeful, and it’s the excitement clear in his features and Luhan’s insistent pushing that gets Minseok to walk to the bike. 

“I’ve never done this before,” Minseok admits, touching the handlebar hesitantly. 

Joonmyun smiles at him. “It’s okay. I’ll catch you if you fall.” 

Joonmyun gives him a brief introduction, telling Minseok where to put his feet, how to brake, and how to keep his balance. Minseok’s seen people biking before, but it feels different when he sits down and his feet are on the pedals. 

It’s shaky at first, and Minseok barely manages to keep from crashing to the ground. Joonmyun’s by his side, reaching out to steady him when he teeters, and Luhan is sitting in the sidelines, laughing as he uses his phone to record the event. Minseok makes a note to make Luhan delete it later. 

As hesitant as Minseok was to try this, he finds biking fun. It’s easy once he gets the hang of it, and it’s certainly better than walking. Riding down the hill is thrilling, the wind rushing past his ears refreshing. He can ignore the disapproving looks from the court officers he passes, focusing just on Joonmyun’s laughter as he runs beside Minseok. 

When Minseok stumbles off the bike, Luhan walks up to him and claps him on the back. He catches Joonmyun’s eye as he looks up. He’s still smiling, his eyes dancing in the sunlight, and he looks so alive like this, instead of the quiet shell he’d been turning into over the days. His smile is so bright, so _real_ , that Minseok finds himself smiling back. 

 

It’s unusually quiet when Minseok steps into the hallway. He can hear the court servants whispering behind their hands, see the smiles on their faces, but he refuses to acknowledge them as he keeps walking. There’s no point in the secrecy, not when the intentions are clear, but he goes with it anyway, stepping into the room that they gesture for him to enter.

The doors swing shut the moment he steps in, closing with a click. Joonmyun’s standing there, staring at him with wide eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know.” Minseok takes off his suit jacket, folding it neatly in a corner of the room. “If you hadn’t agreed to it when the elders brought this up, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.”

He watches as Joonmyun looks away, realization dawning in his eyes. There’s a wedding mat in the middle of the room, with candles, food, and wine set up neatly by the door. Joonmyun swallows visibly, his fingers closing around the hem of his shirt before he releases the wrinkled fabric. 

"I didn't think they'd do this." 

"What did you think?" Minseok sits on the ground and takes one of the snacks from the tray. "You told them you'd be okay with us spending a night together. You should have known they'd act quickly." But it had been too soon. The elders had asked them only yesterday, and Joonmyun's answer had sounded forced, like he didn't agree but had agreed anyway because he didn't want to go against authority. 

"But we're not even adults yet." 

"We're married," Minseok points out. He moves a little closer when he notices that Joonmyun's shivering from where he's sitting on the ground. "Look, if you don't want to, it's fine. We're both guys. No one's going to tell the difference. It's just one night in the same room." 

"I'm okay," Joonmyun says. His face is too pale, and his hand is trembling slightly. "It's just really cold in here. Why is the air conditioning so cold? It's the middle of summer." 

That's intentional too, Minseok thinks, feeling the cold seeping through his clothes. Evidently, the elders had this planned out. 

He sighs, walking over to the mat where they're supposed to sleep. It's heated, with two small pillows and a thin blanket. There's barely enough room for one person, let alone two. 

"Get over here. You look like you're going to freeze." Joonmyun just stares at him, not making a move, so Minseok reaches over and grabs his wrist. "Come on. Are you going to sleep on the floor all night?" 

It takes a little urging, but eventually, Joonmyun gets under the blanket next to him. Minseok can feel him shivering slightly, but the shivering eventually stops and Joonmyun's breathing evens out. 

Joonmyun doesn't fall asleep, though. Instead, he keeps moving on the bed, turning from side to side. Minseok closes his eyes and tries to ignore it, but when Joonmyun doesn't stop for another few minutes, he snaps, turning his head to face Joonmyun. 

"Can you stop moving?" he asks. He's tired from a long day, and he just wants to sleep right now, even if Joonmyun's movement—even his _presence_ —is making that nearly impossible. 

Joonmyun stills, his eyes widening. Minseok hadn't realized how close they were until now, and he could count each of Joonmyun's eyelashes if he wanted to. "I'm sorry." 

"Just..." Minseok exhales and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, Joonmyun is still staring at him, his eyes surprisingly bright and honest. "I don't want to be here either, but if we're already locked in here, let's make the most of this time, okay?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Since we're already here..." Minseok reaches over to take Joonmyun's hand, fitting their fingers together under the blankets. "Why don't we do what the elders want us to?" 

He leans closer so his head is resting on both of their pillows at once, but Joonmyun turns away when Minseok is just a breath away. 

"Stop." His voice is soft, but Minseok can hear it clearly over his own loudly beating heart. "I don't want to do this, and you don't either." 

"How do you know I don't?" Minseok lets go of Joonmyun's hand, using his arm to prop himself up so he's staring down at Joonmyun. "I'm sure you know more about this than I do. You don't have to have feelings for someone. You don't even have to find them attractive to want to spend a night with them." 

"You're the prince." 

"And we're married." Minseok's leaning over Joonmyun now, staring down at the smooth curve of his cheek and the full redness of his mouth. "I don't see what the problem is." He touches Joonmyun's tie, his finger ghosting over the black silk material. "Aren't you going to take this off?" 

Joonmyun pushes him away forcefully, making Minseok lose his balance and fall on his back. "Get off." He's angry, the frown on his face evident, his hands loosely clenched into fists on top of the blanket. 

Minseok sits up and smiles at him. "I was just kidding. Calm down. It's not like I'd actually want someone like you." 

There's a moment when Minseok thinks he sees a flicker of hurt in Joonmyun's eyes, but then Joonmyun is turning away, his head falling back onto his pillow. 

Minseok waits a few minutes for Joonmyun's breathing to steady again before he gets in beside Joonmyun. He stares at Joonmyun's form illuminated by the dim candlelight until his eyelids start drooping and he turns away. 

They fall asleep with their backs to each other as the candle wax melts and the last of the light fades into the darkness. 

 

“I heard you guys spent your first night together,” Luhan says, the moment he sits down at the breakfast table. His smile is dangerous as he leans across the table, chopsticks grasped in one hand. 

“Nothing happened,” Minseok replies shortly, already knowing where this is going from the look in Luhan’s eyes. 

Luhan pauses for a moment, as though processing this information. “But it was your consummation night. It was your first night together. You know, most couples these days start sleeping together before they’re actually married, but you two—”

Minseok kicks Luhan hard under the table, shaking his head slightly to say, _Stop talking._ Luhan frowns and kicks him back, but he doesn’t say anything else.

Joonmyun doesn’t respond to any of Luhan’s comments, but he gets up sooner than usual. His plate is still mostly untouched, like he’d only rearranged the food into some resemblance of consuming it. “I’m not hungry,” he says, when Minseok looks up at him. “I’ll be going to school first.” 

He leaves the room before Minseok can say anything. 

“So something did happen?” Luhan asks, raising his eyebrows as Minseok turns his head to look at him. 

“Nothing did,” Minseok says, a note of impatience slipping into his tone. “It’s just…” He takes a deep breath, sorting through his thoughts. “I was joking about something, but he took it seriously. We had a fight, I think?” It feels weird, confiding in Luhan about his marital problems, but Luhan seems to be listening intently.

“That’s cute.” The smile on Luhan’s face dismisses any pretense that he’s taking this seriously. “You guys even fight like a married couple.” 

“How do married couples even fight?” Minseok shakes his head. “Don’t answer that,” he adds, leaning his cheek against the surface of the table. “Why couldn’t I just have married you instead? It’d be so much easier.” 

Luhan pats his hand sympathetically. “You know, the reason why the elders pushed you guys to have your first night together so soon is because Joonmyun isn’t fitting in so well in this palace.” 

“And that was supposed to help?” 

“A little romance to dissolve the awkward tension, to make Joonmyun feel less homesick?” Luhan shrugs, patting Minseok’s hand before going back to eating again. “It’s supposed to help. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Joonmyun isn’t exactly happy here.” 

“I know.” It’s hard not to notice, when Joonmyun smiles so much brighter at school or when he’s running through the gardens, trying to escape his classes. 

“So stop moping and actually try to get to know him. Make him feel more comfortable here instead of complaining about your marriage. Although I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t want to marry me,” Luhan adds, grinning. 

Minseok throws a napkin at Luhan. 

 

Luhan leaves later that month, with promises to call Minseok more. For the first week, they manage to call each other each night. It fades out gradually over the next few weeks, until they’re back to calling each other once a week. 

Yet even then, it feels like Minseok talks to Luhan more than he talks to Joonmyun. It’s because he knows Luhan better and Luhan is easier to talk to, Minseok reasons, but he knows that it isn’t true. He and Joonmyun have almost fallen into a habit of ignoring each other. They eat meals together and they see each other during school sometimes, but other than interviews, when they’re forced to act as a couple before the nation, they don’t initiate any contact with each other.

“Why does it feel like you’re avoiding me?” Minseok asks, walking up to Joonmyun when he sees the other outside.

Joonmyun looks up, seeming surprised before he looks away again. “I’m not.” He moves to walk around Minseok, but Minseok grabs his wrist, forcing him to remain in place. “Let go.” 

“We haven’t talked in a while,” Minseok says. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Joonmyun still isn’t looking at him. Minseok tightens his grip around Joonmyun’s wrist, ignoring the way Joonmyun winces in response.

“I know you don’t have a class right now. So let’s talk.” 

“I don’t want to talk to you.” Joonmyun jerks his wrist out of Minseok’s grasp, rubbing at the red mark on his skin.

“We’re married,” Minseok points out. He wants to apologize for hurting Joonmyun, for not being able to begin a decent conversation like he’d intended, but he doesn’t. The words get trapped somewhere between his brain and his mouth. 

Joonmyun laughs, the sound short and bitter. His eyes are colder now, and Minseok realizes with a start how much living in the palace has left an effect on Joonmyun. “Why would you marry _someone like me_ who you’d never actually want?” 

“It’s just a political marriage,” Minseok says. He doesn’t understand why Joonmyun is bringing this up now. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.” 

“You could try,” Joonmyun says, his voice cracking on the last syllable. “But you make it so obvious that you’re not over him yet.” 

Minseok blinks. “Over who?” 

“Luhan,” Joonmyun says, like it should be obvious. He raises his hand, the ring on his hand flashing in the sunlight. “You don’t even wear our wedding ring. You wear a cheap plastic ring in public instead of our gold wedding rings. He has one too,” Joonmyun continues, speaking quickly like he knows that Minseok’s trying to interject. “His is just a shade darker, but it’s so obvious. You could at least try to be more discreet.” Joonmyun breaks off, smiling as he seems to put his thoughts together. “I thought I’d be okay with marrying you. You always looked so nice on television, smiling for the citizens, and I thought if I had to end up with someone for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t mind if it was you.” 

“That’s bullshit,” Minseok says, taking a step forward when Joonmyun’s head turns to the side abruptly to look at him. “You think I don’t know? Nearly anyone my age would agree to marry me, not because of who I am as a person, but because of my status. My bank account.” He takes another step closer, watching as Joonmyun inches away a little. “I was there when you asked the Queen how much money your family would receive after the wedding. It feels good, doesn’t it, knowing that you’ll be well off for the rest of your life?” 

He knows that he’s overstepped his boundaries when Joonmyun breaks eye contact, looking to one side. It’s too late, though; Minseok had already seen the hurt look that had flashed across Joonmyun’s face. It almost makes him regret his words, faced with Joonmyun’s openly vulnerable emotions, but he doesn’t try to take them back. 

“My grandfather has cancer,” he says, and Minseok draws in a sharp breath. “We need the money to get him the best treatment. So even if it means spending the rest of my life here, it’ll be worth it if he can live just a few more months.” 

Minseok doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, staring at the ground as he processes Joonmyun’s words. 

“But what I don’t understand,” Joonmyun continues. His voice is softer now, no longer as sharp, as he continues. “I don’t understand what you have to gain from this. You could have waited for Luhan to agree. If you really wanted to marry him, you could have waited.” 

Minseok smiles. He turns to look at Joonmyun, who’s looking right back at him. “It’s because I didn’t want to trap someone I loved in this palace.” Joonmyun frowns a little, like he doesn’t fully understand, so Minseok elaborates, “This palace drains the life out of people.” He remembers seeing his mother’s past pictures, when she had first entered into the palace, and how brightly she had smiled then. Her smiles are so stiff now, meant solely for the cameras. 

“I see.” Joonmyun laughs, but it’s a far cry from his genuine laugh—the kind that can turn heads, the kind that soars under clear blue skies on a cool fall day. This one is barely a puff of air, leaving a bitter twist on Joonmyun’s lips as it escapes. “I wasn’t supposed to marry you.” He shifts, leaning his weight on one foot. “When your grandfather made the promise with my grandfather, I had already been born and my mom was expecting another child. They thought the child would be a girl, but it ended up being a boy. They didn’t break the promise afterwards, though. And when the Queen called to talk about the wedding, Jongin wasn’t of age yet. I took his place instead.” 

There’s a kind of soft fondness that comes into Joonmyun’s eyes when he talks about Jongin, and the bond that he shares with his younger brother, even if they’re years apart, is obvious. Minseok swallows a sudden burst of jealousy, and says, “I see. I’ll see you for dinner?” 

“Yeah.” Joonmyun catches Minseok’s arm before the prince can walk away. “Minseok, would it…” He hesitates, biting down on his lower lip. “Would it be possible for me to return to see my family? I haven’t seen them in months.” 

“You know I don’t have that kind of power,” Minseok says. He tries to soften his tone, though, tries to convey a sort of apology through his expression, but Joonmyun isn’t looking at him anymore. 

“I know.” Joonmyun lets go of Minseok, the disappointment obvious on his face. “I just thought I’d ask.” 

 

Minseok taps lightly on Joonmyun’s door before he enters. “Are you done yet? We’re going to be late.” 

“Yeah.” Joonmyun stands, fidgeting with the collar of his shirt. 

Minseok sighs, walking over to fix the collar for him, smoothing it with his hand. He doesn’t step away, instead placing a hand under Joonmyun’s chin to force Joonmyun to meet his eyes. “Are you wearing eyeliner?” Joonmyun has his hair pushed back today, instead of the way he usually wears it with his bangs falling into his eyes. That, combined with the minimal makeup, really makes his eyes stand out, and Minseok finds it difficult to look away. 

Joonmyun twists his head to the side, stepping away from Minseok. “One of the court ladies put it on for me.” He grabs his suit jacket. “Let’s go.” 

“Wait for me,” Minseok chides, walking quickly until he’s fallen in step by Joonmyun. “Don’t carry your jacket like that,” he adds. “Put it on.” 

“Why are there always people telling me what to do?” Joonmyun complains, but he puts his suit jacket on. “It’s like I’m just a doll that’s put on show.” 

“I’m glad you’re getting the point.” Minseok pauses when he notices that Joonmyun isn’t beside him anymore, and turns to find that Joonmyun has fallen a few paces behind. “What are you waiting for?” 

Joonmyun looks like he’s about to say something, but in the end, he just shakes his head, chuckling. “I don’t know why I expected more of you.” 

Minseok swallows against the bitter taste in the back of his throat, but he doesn’t try to reply. There’s the soft crunch of acorns under his feet as he keeps walking and the stray leaves that have found their way onto the sidewalk. They will no doubt be swept away in the morning, but they’ll be here again when night falls again. It’s already autumn, the cold seeping in suddenly but firmly. It’s already Jongdae’s birthday. 

Minseok hasn’t seen his younger brother in so long, so as he walks towards his brother’s birthday party with a paperback and iPod wrapped in a box, he wonders if he’d really chosen appropriate gifts for Jongdae. He hadn’t really tried to keep up with Jongdae, hadn’t seen him much outside of public appearances when all of the royal family was together. 

When they walk in the room, Minseok feels Joonmyun stiffen. It’s because of all the heads that turn in their direction following the announcement that the Crown Prince and his spouse have arrived. Minseok reaches over and takes Joonmyun’s hand. He tells himself that it’s to keep up public appearances, especially with all the eyes on them, but he can hear the soft exhale that Joonmyun lets out, feel a little of the tension leaving him. 

Minseok walks over to Jongdae first, smiling and touching his shoulder briefly before handing Jongdae his present. “Happy birthday, Jongdae.” 

“Thanks, hyung,” Jongdae says, taking the gift. He looks up, and Minseok is momentarily thrown up by how much Jongdae had grown. They used to be close, even though they were nearly three years apart, but he hadn’t even noticed when Jongdae had gotten so tall, when he’d lost his baby fat and his cheekbones had gotten so sharp. “Let’s catch up later,” Jongdae adds, but it sounds more of a question.

“Okay,” Minseok agrees, although he doubts they’ll have much time alone. 

Minseok steps back to pull Joonmyun forward. “This is Kim Joonmyun. I don’t think you guys have been officially introduced before.” 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Jongdae says, his formal Korean clear and precise, his bow a perfect ninety degrees. He’s grown up so much from the little kid who used to scribble verses of the ancient Korean poetry he had to memorize on the inside of his palms. 

“You too,” Joonmyun says. He bows as well, holding out his own gift. “Happy birthday, your highness.” 

“I hope you enjoy yourself, brother-in-law,” Jongdae says. There’s a slight hesitation before he addresses Joonmyun, like he’d been about to say, “Crown Princess.” In the palace, Joonmyun is usually simply referred to as a prince. 

There’s a line of other guests waiting to give the younger prince their birthday wishes, so Minseok guides Joonmyun away with a hand on the small of the other’s back, smiling whenever someone stops to greet them. 

“Hey,” someone says, tapping Minseok on the shoulder. 

Minseok drops his hand from Joonmyun’s back, turning around. “Hey, Baekhyun,” he says, and nods a quick greeting to Yifan and Kyungsoo, who are just a step behind. 

Minseok absently registers Joonmyun slipping away. He wishes that he had a glass of something in his hand as he faces his friends. If they can even be considered his friends, really. It’s hard for a king to have friends, and even if these are boys who have been with him since he was in kindergarten, he still can’t be sure that they aren’t sticking around just because he’s going to be the future king of the country. 

“Weren’t you going to introduce us to your husband?” Baekhyun asks, leaning into Minseok’s side. He’s never had a sense of personal space, easily leeching himself onto people’s sides and fitting into their lives. “It’s been months. I can’t believe you’re keeping him to yourself.” 

Minseok moves a little to the left, away from Baekhyun. “I might if I wasn’t worried about you stealing him.” 

Baekhyun makes a cooing noise in the back of his throat, and Minseok catches Kyungsoo rolling his eyes. Sometimes, Minseok wonders why the three of them even put up with Baekhyun, but in the end, it’s Baekhyun who brings them together. He’s like the glue, the very center of their friendship over the past decade, fitting easily between and around them despite all the rough corners and conflicting differences. 

“How old is Jongdae?” Kyungsoo asks. 

Minseok has to think for a moment before he answers, “Fifteen.” 

“Do you think a fountain pen is a good gift for a fifteen year old?”

Minseok laughs, shaking his head. “Don’t ask me. I wouldn’t know.” 

“Fifteen, and yet he almost looks as old as you,” Baekhyun says, finding his way into the conversation again. “Watch out. He’s going to catch up to you one day.” 

Yifan puts a hand on top of Baekhyun’s head, pushing down on the tuft of hair that sticks up in the back. Baekhyun squirms, ducking and slapping Yifan’s hand away. 

“Okay, I get it.” Baekhyun scowls, trying to fix his hair. “You don’t have to use your height against me.” He continues to mumble about unfair advantages, most of which Minseok tunes out. 

A few minutes in, and Baekhyun manages to drag Kyungsoo into an argument. Yifan makes eye contact with Minseok, raising an eyebrow as though saying, “I can’t believe this.” 

Minseok just smiles, shaking his head almost imperceptibly in response. 

He keeps an eye on the clock, though, and after half an hour has passed and Joonmyun still hasn’t returned, Minseok excuses himself. He finds Joonmyun out by the balcony, leaning on the railing and looking up at the sky. 

“What are you doing here?” Minseok asks, standing beside Joonmyun and leaning his arms on the railing as well. 

“Nothing.” Joonmyun looks over at Minseok, but he turns his head away when Minseok turns to look at him. “It’s just really crowded in there. You don’t have to,” he begins, but he’s interrupted by the balcony doors opening. 

“There you are,” Baekhyun says, walking out and leaving the balcony doors open. “Joonmyun, right?” He’s standing to the side, thumbs hooked in his pants pockets, and from the look in his eyes, this can’t be anything good. 

Joonmyun nods, inclining his head a little like he’s unsure whether or not he’s supposed to bow. 

“That’s funny. I’m Minseok’s best friend, but I didn’t even know he was dating someone all along.” Minseok scoffs a little at how loosely Baekhyun uses the words “best friend.” “So are you guys close?” 

“I guess?” Joonmyun is obviously uncomfortable, and he keeps glancing at Minseok for help. Usually, Minseok would be more than eager in putting Baekhyun in his place, but right now, he’s more aware of all the people who are staring at them. More than anything else, Baekhyun loves an audience. 

“Have you guys even kissed yet?” Baekhyun’s voice is too loud for a private conversation, his voice carrying into the room as the chatter around them noticeably quiets. 

Minseok reaches out to take Joonmyun’s hand, ignoring the way the other flinches ever so slightly. “Of course.” That isn’t a lie, if the chaste kiss he’d placed on Joonmyun’s forehead during their wedding counted. 

“Would you mind giving us a show?” Baekhyun asks, the challenge clear in his eyes, his tone. 

There are times when Minseok really regrets meeting Baekhyun. If he could go back in time, he’d go back about a decade ago when he’d first met Baekhyun, his deskmate at the time, and had decided that the other would be a good friend. 

But there are eyes on them, and everyone seems expectant for something to happen. 

Minseok sighs, knowing that there’s only one way out of this. He shoots Baekhyun a glare before reaching over and pulling Joonmyun close. 

“Just go along with it,” he mutters, leaning in. 

He waits for Joonmyun to close the distance, waits for Joonmyun’s trembling to stop, but all he gets is a drink thrown in his face. 

Minseok stumbles back, blinking as he wipes his face with the back of his hand. It takes him a while to meet Joonmyun’s eyes, and if Minseok was surprised by the action, Joonmyun seems even more shocked. He’s holding the now empty glass in his hands, staring at Minseok like he still hasn’t processed what had just happened. 

There are still people staring at them, whispering behind their hands. It makes Minseok bite down on the inside of his mouth and take a few deep breaths. 

“Jump,” he says, pointing over the balcony. There’s a pool just under the balcony, unoccupied now that it’s already dark. 

Joonmyun’s eyes widen, and he visibly swallows as he glances down. “What?” 

It’s not that far of a drop, Minseok thinks. It’d be a cold shock, but Joonmyun had it coming. He should have known better, should have at least learned some manners during his months at the palace. “Jump,” Minseok repeats. “Or I’ll throw you in.” 

Joonmyun’s shaking even more now, setting his glass onto the ground with a loud clatter. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look at Minseok again as he swings a foot over the railing of the balcony. 

“Hey, hold on,” Baekhyun says, stepping forward. He’s the only one of the spectators who dares to say anything about it, but Minseok holds him back. 

“Stay out of this.” 

Baekhyun knows enough to know that this isn’t the time to push, so he turns to glare at Minseok instead. “Is this really necessary?” 

He’s gone before Minseok can reply, just as Joonmyun jumps over the edge. Minseok hears the splash of water, sees the pool lights turn on, but he resists the urge to look over the edge. 

 

Joonmyun ignores him afterwards. He’s gone before Minseok can leave the party, and he finds excuses to avoid eating his meals with Minseok. It takes a week of this dodging around before Minseok’s had enough. 

Minseok knocks on Joonmyun’s door early in the morning, holding a fidgeting puppy in his arms. He’d barely managed to sneak it in the night before. It’s hardly enough, but it’s the best that Minseok can think of. Apologies have always stuck in his throat, remained unspoken in the air. He’s never had to utter them before, never had to try this hard to please anyone. 

“I don’t want to see you,” Joonmyun tells him when he opens the door. He’s leaning against the door, looking particularly fragile in his large night shirt. 

“I know.” Minseok sighs, feeling uncomfortable when Joonmyun just stares at him. “I’m sorry, okay?” The rest of the apology he’d drafted gets lost somewhere between his brain and his mouth. He closes his mouth, swallowing so he doesn’t choke on empty air. 

Joonmyun doesn’t answer, instead dropping his gaze to look at the puppy Minseok’s holding. “Is that a real puppy? I thought pets weren’t allowed in the palace.” 

“I got permission from the Queen. Here.” Minseok passes the puppy to Joonmyun, who accepts it eagerly. He notices the way Joonmyun’s posture relaxes almost instantly, the small smile on Joonmyun’s lips as he puts his face close to the puppy’s. “You have to take care of him, though. Feed him, take him on walks, and clean up after him.” 

“I will.” Joonmyun walks into the room with the puppy, and Minseok takes that as his cue to walk into the room as well. 

The design of Joonmyun’s bedroom is pretty much a replica of Minseok’s, but where Minseok keeps his desk bare except for a few folders neatly stacked on each other, Joonmyun’s desk is covered with messy papers, dog-eared books, and various photo frames. Minseok takes a seat at the desk, staring at the pictures that managed to capture Joonmyun’s bright smile. He looked healthier then, more alive, like he had the whole world just beyond his reach. It’s a sharp contrast to how Joonmyun looks now, his cheeks too thin and his skin too pale, his smile weak as he holds the puppy. 

“Why couldn’t you have just gone along with it?” Minseok blurts out, leaning back in his chair as Joonmyun looks up at him, startled. “They were all staring at us, and it wouldn’t have mattered.” 

Joonmyun’s smile fades almost immediately, his hand dropping from where he’d been petting the puppy. He ignores the puppy when it nudges its head against his stomach. “You’re really insensitive, you know that? It doesn’t mean anything to you, but…” 

“You haven’t had your first kiss yet?” Minseok guesses, and Joonmyun’s silence is enough of an answer. Minseok laughs a little. “You don’t have to be so dramatic about everything.” 

Joonmyun frowns. “I’m not…” He shakes his head and turns onto his stomach after a while, lying so he’s eye level with the puppy. He ignores Minseok for a while, lets the silence stretch on, before he says, “I wanted to do more in my life than marry someone like you.” There’s something harsh in his words, something that Minseok would never have expected to come from someone like Joonmyun. “I wanted to study abroad and go to famous places. I wanted to create a name of my own.” He turns to look at Minseok. “Don’t you have a dream?” 

Minseok lets go of his hold on the table, letting all four legs of the chair hit the ground. “No one’s ever asked me that,” he says, after a while. Growing up, others had always assumed that since he had been born as the crown prince, he’d become king later in his life. They assumed that it was the only thing he could do, the only thing he’d want to do. Even in kindergarten, when other kids had made crayon drawings of what they’d wanted to be later in life, his teacher had smiled almost condescendingly at him when he’d tried to do the same. 

_You don’t need to do this,_ she’d told him, gently taking the crayon out of his hand. _You’re going to be our King. The most powerful man in the country._

And the loneliest, Minseok learned later that day as he watched all of the other kids present their drawings. His crayons were still spread out on the table before him, their points still shiny and unused, and his paper was blank where all of the other papers around him were covered with scribbles. 

From a young age, Minseok had learned that being the King wasn’t an option. He’d hated it at first, hated that it meant he couldn’t hug his mother whenever he wanted to, hated that his dreams weren’t entertained, and hated that he wasn’t like the other kids. Maybe, over the years, he’d gotten over those feelings, but they still lingered somewhere in his memory, the bitter taste still sharp even after all these years. And seeing Joonmyun reminds him of all the things he couldn’t have, all the dreams he’s ever had. 

“I wanted to be a vet,” Minseok confesses, putting his feet on the chair and placing his chin on his knees. “I like animals.” He looks over at the puppy, smiling a little when it jumps around on the bed. They’re so simple, and they aren’t likely to backstab anyone. He doesn’t have to watch his words around them, doesn’t have to pretend to be someone he’s not. 

“Then you can help me take care of him,” Joonmyun says. 

It’s a simple concept, really, and Minseok laughs as he stands. “Make sure the puppy doesn’t break anything,” he says, once he’s standing by the door. Joonmyun doesn’t answer him, too busy having a staring contest with the puppy, and Minseok smiles as he walks out of the door. 

 

Winter comes suddenly, bringing snow in with harsh winds and chasing away the pleasant breezes of autumn. Minseok finds Joonmyun later that morning, curled up under a blanket on the couch in their shared living quarters. He’s reading a book, and only his toes and face are visible. 

Minseok sits down next to Joonmyun, reaching over to tug the blanket away from Joonmyun’s head. It makes Joonmyun’s hair stick up. “Why are you covered up like this? Isn’t the heat high enough?” 

“It’s more comfortable,” Joonmyun says, pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulders. 

“Aren’t you hot?” 

Joonmyun doesn’t respond, so Minseok pulls on the blanket more forcefully. “Come on, let’s go outside.” 

Joonmyun puts down the book to look at him. “Why?” 

“It’s the first snowfall of the year.” Minseok smiles as convincingly as he can. Smiling is a habit that he’s developed from years of interviews and public appearances, but it’s harder when Joonmyun’s staring directly at him, like his honest stare can see through all of Minseok’s pretenses. “Come on.” He reaches over to take Joonmyun’s hand, the skin surprisingly cold under his fingers. 

Minseok’s already outside by the time Joonmyun walks out, bundled in thick layers of winter clothing. He has a snowball ready in a mittened hand, and he throws it at Joonmyun the moment the other is within his range. It has Joonmyun sputtering and complaining that he wasn’t given a warning. 

“Are you okay?” Minseok asks, worried when Joonmyun doesn’t move for a few minutes and sits in the grass, wiping at his face. He crouches down and leans close to look at Joonmyun, only to be blindsided when Joonmyun suddenly pushes a handful of snow into Minseok’s face. 

“Got you,” Joonmyun says, laughing now that it’s Minseok who has to wipe the snow off of his face. 

Minseok laughs, reaching out to grab Joonmyun when he tries to run away. “Don’t think I’m done with you yet.” He gets up so he’s eye level with Joonmyun, but instead of trying to retaliate, he reaches out with both hands and adjusts Joonmyun’s scarf where it’s fallen from around his neck. “You don’t want to get sick,” Minseok says. His exhale is visible in the cold air, and he’s close enough that he sees Joonmyun shivering a little. 

“Is that a challenge?” Joonmyun’s lips are a bright red against the paleness of his face, his frame smaller from the way he’s almost curling in on himself, like he’s trying to ward off the cold. 

It takes Minseok a few moments to realize that he’s referring to Minseok’s first statement. “I don’t think you could handle it,” he teases, and reaches out to take Joonmyun’s hand when the other complains. “We still have a dinner with important people later this week.” 

“There’s always someone.” Joonmyun shakes his head, letting his and Minseok’s hands swing between them as they walk. “I’ve had dinner with the most important people in the nation, but you still haven’t had a meal with my parents yet.” He stops, turning to Minseok. “Are you ever going to let me go back home?”

Joonmyun’s parents visit him at least once a week, and Joonmyun always skips class to spend as much time with them as he can. It’s not the same, Joonmyun claims, but Minseok can’t relate. He’s spent weeks away from the palace in another country since he was old enough to fly on his own, but he’s never felt the same need to see his parents. It’s because, even before being Minseok’s parents, they’re the King and Queen, parents of the Crown Prince. 

“You know I don’t have control over that,” Minseok says, but what he really wants to say is, _Isn’t this enough?_ He already knows the answer to that; he’s seen for himself the light in Joonmyun’s eyes, the incomparable happiness he gets just from seeing his family for a few hours. It’s the kind that Minseok can’t even bring out of him, even if he tries, and it makes Minseok worried that, if given the chance, Joonmyun would leave the palace without looking back. 

“I know.” Joonmyun sighs, turning away. He’s still not fast enough, so Minseok catches the flicker of disappointment on his face. 

Minseok puts his and Joonmyun’s hands into his coat pocket. “I’ll ask,” he promises. 

 

“Are the guards really necessary?” Joonmyun asks, as they duck and run towards the house. The gate swings shut behind them, but it’s not enough to drown out the chatter and the sound of flashing cameras outside. 

“Did you want the reporters all over us?” Minseok shakes his head as he tries to fix his hair. The paparazzi really aren’t a joke. They’re incredibly persistent, and he doubts that they’ll leave for the next few hours. “Besides, having guards is a requirement if you want the Crown Prince here.” 

“Well, I didn’t want you to be here.” 

Minseok barely catches Joonmyun’s words as he turns to greet his parents, but even if Joonmyun’s voice had been soft, his words echo in Minseok’s mind. It’s disconcerting how quickly Joonmyun’s managed to adapt, how he’s managed to pick up on palace mannerisms and even how to win a conversation so easily. It leaves Minseok feeling uneasy, but Minseok puts on a smile as he greets his in-laws. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” he says, and keeps smiling as Joonmyun’s parents greet him in turn, expressing how happy they are to have him over, even if it’s only for a night. 

“Follow me,” Joonmyun says, once Minseok’s taken off his shoes and Joonmyun’s parents have gone off to prepare dinner. He guides Minseok through the house, a small but cozy place, personalized with years of pictures and trophies, bills and dog-eared books. It’s everything that the palace isn’t, giving off Minseok a comfortable feeling that he doesn’t have to look twice before touching something. 

“We only have three bedrooms,” Joonmyun explains, leading Minseok down a narrow hallway. “My parents’ bedroom is on the other side of the house, and my brother will be staying with them tonight. My bedroom’s right there—” he gestures towards a closed door—“and my brother’s room is across the hall. You’ll be sleeping there tonight.” 

“No, you won’t,” someone calls from within the bedroom. “You’re staying with Joonmyun.” 

“Jongin, come on.” Joonmyun leans into the doorway, but he doesn’t step into the room. “You have to cooperate. I’ll tell Mom and Dad if you don’t.” 

“Then tell them.” Minseok can only see Jongin’s back, as Joonmyun’s younger brother is on his laptop, his fingers flying quickly over the keyboard. He seems to be typing commands into a game. “I don’t care if he’s the prince or whatever. You two are a married couple, so you should act like one.” 

Joonmyun looks over at Minseok, an awkward half-smile frozen on his face. “Jongin, come on…” 

“It’s okay,” Minseok interjects, and continues even when Joonmyun glares at him. “We’ve shared a room before, and the bed was even smaller than the one you have. It’s not that big of a deal.” 

Joonmyun opens his mouth to protest, but at that moment, his mother tells them that dinner is ready. 

Dinner here is different from dinner at the palace. Minseok’s become used to having many dishes spread before him, just a short distance away so he can pick and choose amongst them. Here, the table is long but there only a few dishes, the serving just enough that there won’t be too many leftovers. It means that Minseok has to reach farther to get what he wants, and there aren’t any serving chopsticks, either. Even if they’re probably swapping spit at every given opportunity, even if this isn’t as fancy as the usual meals Minseok usually eats every day, Minseok finds that he enjoys this. Joonmyun’s parents had clearly put effort in this meal, and the atmosphere is relaxed and _normal_. 

Joonmyun’s father talks about his day at work, and Joonmyun’s mother pressures Jongin to talk his day at school. Joonmyun and Jongin even get into a small fight over the last piece of meat on the plate, their chopsticks clashing against each other before they manage to split it. 

After dinner, when Joonmyun’s mother starts gathering the dishes, Minseok quickly stands to help her.

“Let me wash these,” he says, and smiles when Joonmyun’s mother tries to protest. “I’ve got them, really.” 

“Okay,” she relents, although there’s still hesitancy in her voice about letting a guest—a Crown Prince, at that—do the dishes. “Use this soap, and dry them before you put them in the cabinets.” 

“Got it.” Minseok gives her a thumbs up and breathes out a sigh of relief when she walks away. 

“You don’t even know how to do the dishes, do you?” Joonmyun says, walking into the kitchen and looking at Minseok with unconcealed amusement. 

Minseok stares down at the plates in the sink. “You use soap and water? It can’t be that hard.” 

“You’re hopeless.” Joonmyun nudges Minseok to the side so he can reach for the dishcloth. “Here, let me show you. You just focus on drying and not breaking the dishes.” 

It takes longer for them to finish when Minseok discovers how to blow soap bubbles and aims one at Joonmyun’s face. Joonmyun retaliates by flicking water in their face, and before long, their shirts are wet. 

“You’re so distracting,” Joonmyun says, but he doesn’t sound like he minds. 

It’s easier approaching Joonmyun like this, and although Minseok wouldn’t necessarily say that his feelings for Joonmyun are strong enough to be more than platonic, he’s come to like Joonmyun. It’d be difficult for both of them if they couldn’t at least get along, and Minseok tells himself that this is all it is. 

 

“You take the floor. I’m taking the bed.” Joonmyun jumps onto the bed the moment they walk into the room, spreading his arms like he’s claiming it all for himself. 

Minseok runs his hand through his hair. It’s still slightly wet from the shower, leaving little water droplets on his hands. “Move aside. We’re sharing.” 

“You’re the one who wanted to sleep here. I could have gotten you a room all to yourself, and you’d have your own bed, but no, you had to be difficult.” 

Minseok sits on the edge of Joonmyun’s bed and refuses to budge even when Joonmyun tries to push him off. “I didn’t want to inconvenience your family any more than I had to.” 

“You inconvenienced them just by coming here.” 

Minseok pulls at the blanket. “Scoot over. I’m sleeping here too.” He pushes Joonmyun enough that he has enough space to lie down. “You act like it’s a bad thing that I’m here.” 

Joonmyun gets up to turn off the light, climbing back onto the bed just a few moments later. He steps on Minseok’s foot on his way back up the bed, and judging from his soft laugh at Minseok’s pained cry, it had been intentional. “I don’t know. I wanted to come here to take a break from everything, you know? But it’s good that you came.” Joonmyun is close enough that he barely has to speak above a whisper. Minseok can almost smell the mint toothpaste on his breath. “It’s about time for you to learn how to wash the dishes.” He’s quiet for a few moments, and Minseok almost thinks that he’s fallen asleep, before Joonmyun continues, “Don’t mind Jongin. He’s just moody sometimes. He gets like that with me, too, so it’s not just you.” 

“It’s fine,” Minseok says. “I just have to win him over slowly, like I did with you.” 

“You shouldn’t sound so confident about that.” 

“Why?” Minseok leans a little closer. “Am I wrong?” 

Joonmyun doesn’t answer. 

 

When Minseok wakes up the next day, the sunlight is already spilling brightly through the windows. The space beside him in the bed is empty and cold to the touch. 

Joonmyun’s in the kitchen when Minseok walks outside. He’s cracking an egg into a bowl, and he looks up as Minseok walks in. 

“Hey, come over.” He hands Minseok a pair of chopsticks. “Beat the egg for me.” 

Minseok covers a yawn with the back of his hand as he beats the egg with the chopsticks. “What is this?” 

“I’m making noodles.” Joonmyun turns back to the stove, where the noodles are already softening in the boiling water. “Beat faster. The eggs are never going to be done at that rate.” 

Minseok twirls the chopsticks a little faster. Joonmyun lets out an exasperated sigh as he walks over. 

“Put more force into it. Like this.” He puts his hand over Minseok, guiding him in the motions. “Got it?” 

Minseok repeats the motion a few times until Joonmyun judges it acceptable. 

“Do you want to cook the egg?” he asks, pulling out another pan. 

Minseok backs away a little as Joonmyun puts the pan onto the stove. “You can do it.”

He’s not fast enough in escaping. Joonmyun closes a hand around Minseok’s wrist, holding him in place. “Then watch.” 

The oil crackles as Joonmyun pours it into the pan, a few drops of hot liquid shooting upwards as Joonmyun pours the egg into the pan. Minseok leans back a little, uncomfortable from being so close to the fire. 

“Cooking an egg is easy,” Joonmyun says, pushing at the bottom of the egg. “You just have to turn it over in time, or one side will be too burnt.” He hands Minseok the spoon. “Here. Turn the egg over.” 

Even with Joonmyun’s assistance, Minseok only manages to turn the egg after breaking it into many pieces. It’s not perfect, but Joonmyun grins at him over the plate of breakfast that they managed to make, and Minseok smiles back. 

“Are you guys done having your couple moment?” Jongin walks in, giving them a suspicious look as he pulls a carton of milk out of the fridge. “I want to talk to you,” he says, directing the statement at Minseok with a nod as he pours himself a glass of milk. “As in right now,” Jongin adds, when Minseok makes no attempt to move. 

“Go.” Joonmyun gives Minseok a gentle shove, giving him a look that says, _Just go along with it,_ when Minseok gives him a betrayed look. 

Minseok follows a step behind Jongin as the other leads him out to the backyard. He wouldn’t admit it, but he’s just a little intimidated by Jongin, who’s nearly a head taller than him with a permanently pissed off expression. 

Jongin stops in the middle of the yard, turning to Minseok with his glass of milk held in his hand. “You know that I was supposed to marry you, right?” 

“Yeah.” Minseok stares at Jongin, trying to assert his confidence even if he has to look upwards to do so. 

“I hated you,” Jongin says, and his voice is softer now, no longer like he wants to punch Minseok in the face. “I didn’t see Joonmyun much, but I could tell that he hated it, you know? Even if he smiled on television, he was so fucking uncomfortable and you—you didn’t even do anything to try to _help_ him.” Jongin shakes his head and laughs, and Minseok can’t help admiring the bond that Jongin and Joonmyun obviously share. It’s not a bond that can be formed from blood alone; it comes from spending years together, from knowing the other’s darkest secrets, until they’re willing to lay down the rest of their lives for each other. “That’s the least you could have done, as his husband,” Jongin continues, the contempt heavy in his voice. Minseok doesn’t even try to deny it, can’t deny it. 

“I know,” Minseok says. And it hadn’t been easy for him, either. Even though he’d known that he was going to get married at a younger age than his peers, it had still taken time to get used to having someone else in his living quarters, someone else by his side. 

“He’s happier now.” Jongin takes finishes his milk in a few gulps and dumps the last drops into the grass. “But you can’t hurt him. If you hurt him, I’ll end you. Do you understand?” 

Jongin’s just a kid, really, but his face is serious and Minseok has no doubt that Jongin would get him back if he ever tried to hurt Joonmyun. “I know.” 

“Good.” Jongin finally smiles, then, his serious expression visibly relaxing. 

“Hey, are you guys coming in to eat?” Joonmyun calls, standing by the back door. He looks almost ridiculous, dressed in a bright red apron, but also so endearing like this. His eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles, and Joonmyun reaches up to pat Jongin’s head, even though he has to stand on his toes to do so. Joonmyun seems to notice Minseok staring, as he turns and gives Minseok a smile as well. “Come on in.” 

 

It gets better from there. Even though there are times when Minseok and Joonmyun don’t get to see each other for days in a row due to conflicting schedules, they’ve worked out a compromise of sorts. Joonmyun doesn’t flinch away anymore when Minseok walks up to him, and their fingers fit together more naturally now.

It’s just a show, and the country buys it. Sometimes, Minseok buys it as well, when he sees how brightly Joonmyun smiles.

Like today, when Joonmyun had been blowing out the candles of his birthday cake at the press conference. He’d caught Minseok’s eyes near the end, and he’d smiled brightly, a smile that seemed to be directed at Minseok only. His eyes had sparkled in the half darkness, and Minseok had found it difficult to look away.

They’re quiet on the way back, sitting on opposite ends of the car and both staring out of the window. Minseok doesn’t say anything until they’re out of the car.

“Happy birthday.” He follows Joonmyun into his room. Before Joonmyun can ask why he’s here, Minseok bends down to play with the puppy—Joonmyun had named it Kai.

Joonmyun sits down next to him, watching as Minseok scratches behind the puppy's ears.

"I haven't given you my birthday present yet," Minseok says.

"You don't--"

"Meet me in the back gardens at eight. Wear something casual," Minseok adds as he picks up the puppy and gently puts it in Joonmyun's arms.

"Is it a surprise?" Joonmyun looks up as Minseok stands.

Minseok laughs and doesn't answer as he walks out of the door. He can see the impatience in Joonmyun's eyes throughout dinner, and if Minseok's being honest, he's a little impatient as well.

"We're going over that wall," Minseok tells Joonmyun later that day, when Joonmyun is at the designated place.

Joonmyun follows the direction of Minseok's finger, eyes widening. "What about the guards?"

There aren't any here. It's a minor breach in the security that Minseok had discovered years ago, a means of escape that he rarely uses. He only climbs over the wall when he can't breathe for another second within these palace walls. It's like a gateway into another world, and Minseok can easily slip into the crowd on the streets, just another ordinary citizen out at night.

"You have to keep quiet, though." Minseok frowns when he sees movement in Joonmyun's arm. "Why'd you bring Kai?"

"I didn't know..." Joonmyun looks around. The sun has already started setting, and the palace grounds are dimly let by a few lamps here and there. They have at least a few minutes of privacy. "Is it okay if he comes?"

Minseok sighs. "Yeah, sure."

He climbs the wall first, finding footholds with ease in the worn bricks. It only takes a few seconds before he's on the other side, feet hitting the ground with ease. Joonmyun takes longer, slipping at times and pausing at the top of the wall. He looks down, hesitating like he's scared of jumping.

"Come on," Minseok urges him, standing by the wall and looking up at Joonmyun. "Just jump. I'll catch you."

There's hesitance in Joonmyun's eyes, but he bites his lips and let's go of his tight grip on the wall. Minseok barely manages to soften his fall with an outstretched hand, laughing into Joonmyun's ear as he helps him up.

"We're going to have to work on that."

They walk off of the palace grounds and onto crowded streets, holding hands so they won't get separated in the crowd. No one seems to notice them, and it's highly unlikely that they'd be recognized in ordinary clothes.

"Is there anywhere you want to go?" Minseok asks, as they stop at a red light.

"Can we go to the animal shelter?" Joonmyun points to a sign down the street. "It's just," he says, when Minseok gives him a questioning look, "Kai is growing up so fast. We can't keep him in the palace much longer, and you know the rules the palace has about pets. Besides," he continues as the red walking sign turns green and they start crossing the road, "you gave him to me as a present. It was so I wouldn't be lonely, right?" Joonmyun's words are almost lost in the chatter of voices around them, in the cacophony of car and motorcycle horns. "I don't need him anymore. I have you now."

Minseok can tell from Joonmyun's eyes that he doesn't want to give Kai up, either, but they both know that this is the best choice. Soon, Kai won't be just a puppy anymore, but a full grown dog. They could hide a puppy, even ask the servants to keep it a secret, but it was another thing trying to take care of a dog.

Joonmyun's hand trembles as he talks to the lady behind the counter, and Minseok reaches over to take it when his hand gestures almost hit Minseok in the face. He laces their fingers together, hearing Joonmyun's breathing even out as they walk out of the building.

"You didn't have to give Kai up," Minseok says, once they're standing outside by the entrance.

"It's okay. It was my idea." Joonmyun smiles brightly. "Buy me some food? It's my birthday."

Minseok cringes a little at the thought of eating junk food, but he can't say no when Joonmyun is looking at him so insistently. "Just today."

This time, it's Joonmyun who reaches over to take Minseok's hand. They walk down the street together, their clasped hands swinging between them.

 

Since Minseok had graduated from high school last year, he'd started taking on more responsibilities as the Crown Prince. He's sitting in the library, looking over papers, when Joonmyun knocks lightly on the door and looks in.

"Can I come in?" he asks, lingering by the open door.

Minseok pats the spot next to him on the couch as an invitation, and Joonmyun sits down next to him, setting his book on the floor. "What are you doing here?" Minseok glances at Joonmyun out of the corner of his eyes, but his pen doesn't stop moving across the paper.

"Can't I visit my husband whenever I want to?" Joonmyun sits back on the couch, folding his legs under him. "You've been so busy lately."

"The country comes first." The Queen had drilled that lesson in Minseok, made him understand why it wasn't right for Minseok to cling to her, made a distinction between Mother and Queen.

"I know." Joonmyun's voice is soft, and he doesn't say anything more as he picks up the book and flips through the pages.

Minseok keeps going through the folders, skimming pages of information that the officials have already pored over and signing his name at the bottom. It's not like the King has much power, and most of the responsibilities that lie with the royal family are just for show anyway. They're just the puppets, moving at the strings' will.

He's staring at an awkwardly worded section of the paper, trying to decipher the original meaning, when a heavy weight drops onto his shoulder. It's Joonmyun's, his mouth slightly open as he dozes, and Minseok smiles as he steadies Joonmyun when his head threatens to slip off of Minseok's shoulder.

Minseok finds himself distracted by the smooth curve of Joonmyun's cheeks, the sweet redness of his mouth, and the softness of his hair under Minseok's hand.

He sets his folders down, planning to look over them later, and tries to set Joonmyun down on the couch without waking him up. Minseok slides a pillow under Joonmyun's head, sitting on the floor as he watches Joonmyun sleep. It's oddly entertaining, the little movements that Joonmyun makes and his soft whimpers from time to time.

Minseok leans forward to brush Joonmyun's hair away from his face, and that's when his phone rings, the ringtone loud and startling in an otherwise silent room. It makes Joonmyun wake up, eyes opening and focusing on Minseok.

"Why are you so close?" he asks, and Minseok drops his hand that had been mere centimeters from touching Joonmyun.

"Why do you think?" Minseok returns, and leans back to silence his phone. "It's not like..." He looks up from the call log on his phone, and Joonmyun turns away from his gaze. Minseok thinks there's a soft pink tinge to his skin, a barely noticeable discomfort that he doesn't quite manage to hide.

"I'm going to go back to my room," Joonmyun says. He quickly picks up his book, closing the library door behind him with a click.

Minseok sits back against the couch and tries not to think about how cold the room is without a familiar warmth by his side.

 

Minseok finds Joonmyun late one night, after he's already changed into pajamas and he's just looking for a paper he'd misplaced somewhere. Joonmyun is still in his uniform, sitting at a desk with his sleeves rolled up. He's diligently working on a problem, and jumps when Minseok walks up to him.

"Why aren't you sleeping yet?" Minseok asks, leaning against the desk and staring down at Joonmyun.

"I'm studying," Joonmyun says, looking back down at his books.

Minseok takes the pencil out of Joonmyun's hand, holding Joonmyun's wrist when he tries to get it back. "You can study tomorrow. You should be sleeping now." When Joonmyun doesn't respond, Minseok runs a hand through his hair and softens his tone. "Just get some rest? You shouldn't stress this much."

"You don't get it." Joonmyun lets his hands fall down by his sides, fingers splayed on the wood of the table. "It's just--I need to prove that I'm more than just a pretty face. I can do something other than just taking the citizens' tax money to live comfortably."

Minseok swallows, his hand falling from Joonmyun's hair to his back. He'd accused Joonmyun of that before, but he knows that it's not true. Joonmyun's trying, and he's trying harder to conceal his efforts. It's not simple, keeping up with schoolwork while trying to learn palace etiquette at twice the pace that Minseok himself had learned it.

"You don't have to prove anything to anyone." Minseok pulls Joonmyun up, heading towards Joonmyun's room. "Get into bed. I'll sing you a song."

"You can sing?"

Minseok just laughs as he pushes Joonmyun into the bathroom.

Minseok does sing later, when Joonmyun's under the blankets and staring at him expectantly. It's a simple lullaby that his nurse had sung to him years ago, a song that he barely remembers. His voice isn't perfect, and he stumbles over the words a few times. Joonmyun doesn't laugh, though, and his steady stare is enough to encourage Minseok to reach the end.

"You could at least pretend to be asleep," Minseok says, waving a hand in front of Joonmyun's eyes to make him blink.

"I will if you sing me to sleep." There's a challenge in Joonmyun's eyes, or maybe it's just the way the moonlight catches his eyes.

"Nice try." Minseok reaches up to adjust Joonmyun's blankets.

Joonmyun catches his hand before he can retract it, fingers closing around Minseok's wrist. "Stay here tonight? It's not like we haven't slept together before," he adds.

They haven't stayed in the same room for over nine months now, and it's not like there's much of a rush, anyway. Shared quarters are enough, although it might not be long before they'll have to share a room. Minseok's tempted to do so tonight, but he gently removes Joonmyun's fingers from his wrist.

"I have to wake up early tomorrow," he says. "I need to prepare for a meeting in the morning."

"Then wake me up too. I need to finish studying."

Minseok just sighs, placing his hands on the bed and leaning forward so he's hovering over Joonmyun. "Get some rest. You need it." He lowers his head, brushing his lips over Joonmyun's forehead. "Don't set an alarm," he says, pulling back only a little so he can see Joonmyun's eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Joonmyun mumbles something about Minseok being bossy, but he closes his eyes, the rise and fall of his chest steadying. Minseok looks back at him, stares at the soft, relaxed lines of his face during sleep, before turning and walking out of the room.

 

There's something different about this meeting. Minseok can feel the serious air before he even steps into the room. He bows before the Queen and the Queen Mother, looking from one to the other as he slowly takes a seat.

The Queen Mother's smiling as she hands them tea, urging them to drink. Minseok takes a careful sip, and beside him, he can hear Joonmyun hissing, no doubt from the pain of gulping down the hot liquid too quickly.

The Queen Mother engages them in small talk for a while, discussing the weather and recent events within the palace. Joonmyun starts fidgeting after a few minutes, his fingernails picking at a loose thread on his sweater and his leg shaking slightly. Minseok sneaks a glance at him, his suspicions growing when he notices how pale Joonmyun looks.

The Queen interjects after a while, her smile far less pleasant as she says, "Should we talk about what happened last night?"

The Queen Mother blinks, looking momentarily confused. She recovers quickly, nodding. "Ah, yes. Should we decide what to do about it?"

"I'm sorry," Joonmyun blurts out. He hesitates, realizing he's speaking out of turn, but he continues, "It won't happen again. I promise."

"What happened?" Minseok looks between Joonmyun and his mother. Joonmyun refuses to meet his gaze, and his mother only glances at him briefly before turning her attention back to Joonmyun.

"Joonmyun tried to sneak out of the palace last night," she says, and Minseok nearly chokes on his sharp intake of breath. "Would have gone over the walls, if one of the servants hadn't found him."

"I'm sorry," Joonmyun repeats, his head hung low.

"An apology won't fix anything," the Queen snaps, her tone sharp and dismissive. "You know the rules, and you broke them." Joonmyun flinches, and Minseok would almost feel sorry for him, but this--this is a different matter.

"It's partially our fault," the Queen Mother says, her speech slow and easy, her smile gentle and comforting. "There's a breach in security at that point, and we hadn't noticed in years. I've already notified the palace guards."

"The prince needs to bear his responsibilities." The Queen raises her cup to her lips and takes a sip before continuing, "There's a reason why the rules are in place. It's for your own safety. We don't do things for the sake of seeing people suffer."

Joonmyun looks so vulnerable, like he's trying to shrink in on himself, but Minseok resists the urge to reach out and comfort him. Get caught, and you suffer the consequences.

He still remembers, years ago, when his father had scolded him for misbehaving during class, for talking over the teacher. It hadn't mattered if anyone else was doing the same thing--it was because he was a prince and princes just didn't do that. His father had never raised a hand against him, but somehow, those words had hurt more, made him feel like he wasn't worthy of a position that he'd been born into.

Afterwards, he'd sat in his room trying not to cry but failing, trying to hide his tears in the sleeve of his jacket. His mother had walked into his room, but instead of comforting him, she'd only given him a disappointed look and asked, "Have you done your homework yet?"

There's no room for pity, and even less room for mistakes when the whole nation is watching every move that you're making.

"It's my fault," Minseok says. He hesitates under his mother's stare, but explains, "I showed him how to get out of the palace. We went over the wall once before, but I didn't think he'd do it again. I take full responsibility of it, so punish me instead."

"Minseok," Joonmyun begins, a protest forming on his lips.

Minseok moves his hand as subtly as he can, pinching Joonmyun's arm. _Shut up_. Joonmyun jerks a little at the pain, but he doesn't say anything else.

The Queen Mother is frowning, hesitance clear on her features, but the Queen just nods.

"You should have known better, Minseok. Joonmyun's punishment was to kneel on the courtyard for two hours. Do it overnight and I'll forgive both of you."

Joonmyun gasps loudly at the statement, his reaction too obvious, and Minseok kicks him. _Don't make it any worse than it is._

Minseok bows his head. "Thank you, my Queen."

 

Joonmyun's waiting by the door when Minseok steps out that night. "You don't have to do this," he says, stepping in Minseok's path the moment Minseok opens the door. "It's my fault, and I never asked you to take responsibility for it."

Minseok stops, glaring at him. "Exactly. It's your fault, so shut up and move aside."

"Minseok, please." The apology is clear in Joonmyun’s eyes, but Minseok turns away. 

"What do you have to complain about?" Minseok doesn't wait for an answer as he pushes past Joonmyun.

It's cold outside, a strong wind blowing as Minseok walks towards the court yard. Two of the court officials follow a few steps behind, their footsteps almost unnoticeable with how closely they match Minseok's. The ground of the courtyard, when Minseok kneels, is hard and unyielding. It doesn't feel bad at first, but he knows that in half an hour, the burn will start to settle in. The loose white pants and shirt he's wearing won't be enough. He'll be lucky if he survives the night, and he probably won't be able to get up tomorrow morning without assistance.  
Minseok's never gone through this kind of punishment before. He’d been scolded often as a young child and he's been grounded a few times, but physical pain is something he's never had to endure.

The first few minutes aren’t that bad. The night breeze is cool and the stars are bright overhead. But it doesn't take long for the weariness to settle in his muscles, and soon, the clouds start gathering overhead. Within a few minutes, it's raining, the droplets falling heavier and faster.

Minseok wants nothing more than to get up and run to the nearest shelter, but he remains kneeling, closing his eyes as the water hits his face. It soaks through his clothing, covers him until he's numb inside and out.

He manages to doze off many times that night. It's hard to tell if it was just a few seconds or if it was a few hours. Time slips away like the last droplets of the rain, fading somewhere between sunset and sunrise.

Minseok's awake for the sunrise. He's dry by now, but he still feels so numb. It's like he's locked in place, made into a statue overnight.

His mother walks out just as the sun is visible over the horizon, kneeling beside Minseok and helping him up with a hand. She doesn't say anything, but her concern is written in the frown on her lips, and the _I’m proud of you_ remains unspoken in the way she touches Minseok's arm.

She steadies him when his knees threaten to give away again. The two court officials who stayed by Minseok's side the entire night are there to steady him.

"You've been forgiven, my son," the Queen says, and Minseok bows his head before he walks away.

 

Minseok barely has time to sit down on his bed when Joonmyun barges into his room.

"Are you okay?" Joonmyun asks, slamming the bedroom door closed again as he walks towards Minseok. "It was raining last night. You're not sick, are you?"

Minseok closes his eyes and leans back against the pillows. His eyes are stinging from staying awake all night, and he's too drained to have a conversation with Joonmyun right now. "I'm fine," he says. "You can leave."

Joonmyun sits on the edge of Minseok's bed, staring down at him. "I'm really sorry about what happened. It was Jongin's birthday two days ago, and I just wanted to sneak out and surprise him. I didn't think..."

"Shut up," Minseok snaps. He almost feels guilty when he sees Joonmyun flinch at his voice. "I'm just disappointed," he continues, after taking a moment to gather his thoughts. "I showed you that escape route because I thought I could trust you." The simple knowledge had been one of Minseok's deepest secrets. It's hard keeping secrets when the entire nation is watching, when there are constantly people surrounding him, but that had been like his own world. It had been something that belonged to him, and knowing that his last escape route had been closed off hurt more than kneeling in the rain for all those hours.

Joonmyun exhales shakily, staring at a spot just past Minseok's head. "I'm really sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything for me to just say it, but...”

His voice trails off, and he's holding into the sheets tightly, knuckles white from the force.

Minseok looks up from Joonmyun's hands to his face, staring at the sincerity and open honesty spelled out there. It's hard staying mad when he knows that it wasn't entirely Joonmyun's fault, that maybe some secrets are bound to be found out sooner or later.

Joonmyun's still talking, and it's like he's just saying words for the purpose of saying them, trying to convey some message through repeated apologies. "I really didn't mean to make you go through all of that. I'm sorry for putting you through all the trouble. If you're sick or anything--"

Minseok's thoughts start to wander as Joonmyun keeps talking, his syllables stumbling over each other as he speaks. Minseok isn't paying attention to the words anymore. Maybe it's because he's seconds from passing out, but the movement of Joonmyun's lips is far more interesting. It's not the first time that Minseok's thought of just closing the distance between them, of claiming what was rightfully his, of turning this masquerade into something more.

So when Joonmyun pauses to take a breath between his words, Minseok reaches out and pulls him closer with a hand on his shoulder. He catches a glimpse of Joonmyun's wide eyes, mouth still slightly open from shock, before their lips are touching.

Minseok's only thoughts are of how soft Joonmyun's lips are against his, how Joonmyun's breath stutters ever so slightly when he runs his thumb over the skin of Joonmyun's neck.

It only lasts a few seconds, until Minseok leans back, withdrawing his hand. Joonmyun's staring at him intently, a mix of expressions on his face that Minseok can't quite identify.

"What was that for?"

There's the truth somewhere just beyond his grasp, hidden in the spontaneity of that moment, but Minseok just shakes his head and smiles. "I was just trying to get you to stop talking." 

 

There’s still the lingering cold of winter outside, and Minseok can see his breath under the lamplight. He tilts his head back to watch the water vapor disappear into the darkness, nearly jumping when he hears a noise right beside him.

“Are you looking at the stars?” Joonmyun asks, placing a hand on Minseok’s shoulder briefly as a way of apologizing before taking a seat next to Minseok. 

“I am now.” Minseok scoots over on the bench to give Joonmyun room, but Joonmyun closes the space between them a few moments later. Joonmyun isn’t exactly subtle in the way he places his arm over the back of the bench. He looks so uncomfortable, though, that Minseok decides to tease him by sitting on the edge of the bench. 

“I didn’t think it’d be like this,” Joonmyun says. He’s staring at the sky too, his eyes bright under the nearby lights. “I always imagined princes to be busy meeting everyone in the country or busy ordering people around. I didn’t think that it’d be so…” His voice trails off, and Joonmyun laughs, shaking his head a little. 

“Normal?” Minseok finishes, and turns his head to smile at Joonmyun. He finds that he’s enjoying spending time with Joonmyun more and more, and a lot of it is because Joonmyun sees him as a real person, not as an unapproachable celebrity or a disregarded figurehead. 

“Yeah.” Joonmyun’s smiling back, and Minseok lets himself lean into his arm, tries not to think too much of the brush of Joonmyun’s fingers along his arm. 

“It’s not that great,” Minseok confesses. It’s tiresome, even boring sometimes, and there are moments when he’d trade his position for another life in the world. But it’s the one that he was given, and he’s learned to appreciate it. “It’s like the stars in the sky. Most of them are satellites.” 

“Why do you always have to ruin everything?” Joonmyun asks, his tone light and teasing. His next words are cut off when his phone rings. _Home_ flashes across his screen, and Joonmyun answers the call. “Hello?” 

“Your parents?” Minseok asks, and Joonmyun nods. “Let me talk.” He reaches out for the phone, but Joonmyun holds it away, laughing a little when Minseok tries to grab it. 

Minseok traps Joonmyun against the back of the bench, just moments away from snatching the phone away. He’s close enough that he sees the sudden change in Joonmyun’s expression, the way the playful smile on his face abruptly disappears. Minseok stills, staring at Joonmyun.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, when Joonmyun remains silent for a long time, apparently listening to the person on the other end. 

Joonmyun shakes his head a little, saying, “I see. I’ll call you later,” into the phone. He hangs up, and even in the dim lighting, it’s clear that he’s upset. 

“You can tell me,” Minseok says, leaning back to give Joonmyun some space. 

“My grandfather made a turn for the worse,” Joonmyun says, his voice wavering and unsteady. “We thought he’d been getting better. His recent tests showed that his health was slowly improving, and we thought if he kept getting the treatment, he’d survive another few years.” His fingers tighten around the edge of the bench, his veins prominent against his skin. 

Minseok puts his hand over Joonmyun’s, drawing little circles on the back of Joonmyun’s hand. Joonmyun exhales shakily, the tension slowly leaving his body until he turns his palm over so that Minseok can link their fingers together. “I’m sure it’ll get better. We can visit him together sometime,” Minseok adds, and Joonmyun nods. He’s smiling again, and even if it’s faint, it’s still there, so Minseok takes that as a good sign. 

“Thanks.” 

Minseok moves closer to Joonmyun, letting Joonmyun lean his head against his shoulder. The angle isn’t exactly comfortable, since Joonmyun has to lean down and Minseok has to use his other hand to stroke Joonmyun’s hair. Minseok closes his eyes, relaxing in the familiarity of just having Joonmyun next to him. 

 

It's been a while since Minseok had last seen his father.

He knows that the King is a very busy man, that he can't expect his father to be able to spend the same amount of time with him that other parents can. But he also knows that the King goes at least once a week to visit Jongdae, to make sure Minseok's younger brother is doing well at school.

It's because Jongdae's still young, still needs his parents to be by his side. Minseok wishes, sometimes, that he was still as young as Jongdae, that his father still had time to play hide and seek with him, tell him nighttime stories or even just that he'd done well.

These days, the only times he sees his father are during public events or occasional meals. They rarely spend time together, but Minseok tries not to complain. He's too old to request for the King's attention for such trivial reasons, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't look forward to seeing him.

Minseok's already an adult legally, and he's been taking on more responsibilities as Crown Prince over the year. In a few weeks, he'll be giving a speech to Parliament, a speech that will secure his position as the future king.

That's the reason why the King had asked to meet with him today. The speech he'll be giving is probably one of the most important speeches he'll give in his lifetime, and nothing's more important to a king than having a good relationship with the Parliament, where the real power lies.

"You've done well so far," the King says, after Minseok's seated across the table from him.

There are too many formalities between them, but it doesn't stop a smile from tugging at the corners of Minseok's mouth.

He can't remember a time when he didn't have to try hard to have his father's attention. There had been the country and the citizens for as long as he could remember, the last minute emergency meetings always used as an excuse as to why his father couldn't see him just yet. And when Jongdae had been born, it wasn't much of a secret that the King preferred him over Minseok--there was just something about Jongdae, his sweet and cheerful nature, that everyone liked.

It hadn't mattered that Jongdae wasn't quite as bright or capable as Minseok was. If anything, that had only made him more approachable in all the ways that Minseok wasn't. The King took Minseok's above average grades for granted, but he'd given Jongdae an extravagant gift for getting a perfect score on a test.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," Minseok says, inclining his head a little.

"Your coming of age speech is coming up, correct?" The King takes a sip of his tea before continuing, "Have you planned out the speech yet?"

"Most of it." There are still finer details that Minseok has to work out. He has notes scribbled on note cards, but he doubts he'll refer to them.

"You can go over it with me if you'd like."

"Thank you, Your Majesty. I'll keep that in mind." It's not much of a secret that Minseok's public speaking isn't exactly the best. He's too spontaneous, forgetting phrases that he'd planned out months before, jumping from one topic to the next without a clear transition, filling in silences with a witty joke. He can't afford to do that during this speech. Even though it won't be aired, this speech will dictate his future more than all of his previous speeches combined.

"Good. You've grown up so much already." There's a hint of fondness in the King's voice, even if the rest of his face is expressionless.

Minseok reaches out to touch his cup of tea without drinking from it. He's aware that the conversation is coming to an end, that the King probably has other things to take care of. It shouldn't be this hard, just making a conversation with his father, but sometime over the years, the distance between them had grown.

Before Minseok can think of anything to say and before the King can dismiss him, one of the court officials walks into the door, bowing low before the King.

"What is it?" the King asks, his tone short and clipped.

"It's urgent news." The official glances at Minseok briefly before continuing, "The prince's grandfather is dying. The doctors say that he won't be strong enough to undergo another treatment, and he won't make it to the end of the month."

Minseok's breath catches in his throat, and the full weight of the message doesn't settle in until after the King has dismissed the official. "Joonmyun," he says, and looks up at his father. "I have to tell him. I still haven't gone with him to the hospital yet..."

"Don't go," the King says, cutting off Minseok's next words. "You can't leave, or the press will find out about Joonmyun's grandfather. Your speech is only in a few weeks. You need to focus on that. Besides, you and Joonmyun are traveling around the country, and those are arrangements that were made years in advance. You can't just cancel them."

"I know." Minseok runs a hand through his hair in agitation. "Maybe only I can go, and Joonmyun can stay--"

"No." The King's voice leaves no room for argument. "What do you think it'll look like for both of you if Joonmyun isn't with you? Just carry on with the schedule. The country comes first."

Minseok swallows down his protests, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in his stomach. The country always comes first.

 

"Hey, you're going to do great, okay?" Joonmyun says, reaching up to adjust Minseok's tie again. "You've got everything prepared."

"Yeah," Minseok says, glancing at his reflection in the mirror and fixing his bangs.

"Don't be too nervous. You've got this."

"You're more nervous than I am," Minseok teases, reaching out to take Joonmyun's wrist when he starts to move away.

"I'm not," Joonmyun protests, but the trembling of his hand gives him away.

"Cute." Minseok grins and ruffles Joonmyun's hair, knowing that Joonmyun can't retaliate for fear of ruining Minseok's appearance.

Joonmyun ducks, trying to appear to be annoyed, but he ends up laughing. "Do well up there, okay? I'm proud of you."

Maybe it's just in Joonmyun's nature, the way he doesn't think twice about his words and compliments. It's hard for Joonmyun to fake a smile, but his genuine smiles are so bright.

It makes Minseok wonder how Joonmyun would react if he knew what was happening.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Joonmyun asks, noticing the change in Minseok's attitude almost immediately.

Minseok shakes his head, mentally berating himself for not controlling his emotions better. He gives Joonmyun a small smile. "It's nothing." It's nothing because it's going to be okay, he tells himself. They can get through the next few weeks, and they'll be by Joonmyun's grandfather's deathbed in time.

"So you are nervous." Joonmyun looks almost triumphant, and Minseok laughs, playing along.

"Sure." He's not nervous so much because of the speech, though. He's more nervous about how Joonmyun will react to the news of his grandfather, about how he should keep it a secret from his husband. It leaves a bitter taste of guilt in his mouth whenever he thinks about it. He can't continue smiling like everything's okay when he's hurting someone he cares about.

"They're waiting for you outside," Joonmyun says, taking Minseok's hand and leading him out. "You'll be fine," Joonmyun repeats, and it sounds more like he's convincing himself rather than Minseok at this point. He turns to Minseok, hesitating for a moment before standing on his toes to brush his lips against Minseok's forehead.

Minseok smiles, his chest tight as he looks at Joonmyun's bright smile. There's not enough time to say even half of what he wants to say. The doors are already open, and the Parliament is no doubt already waiting for him inside.

At this point, he can only hope for the best, hope that he's making the right decisions for both of them.

Minseok takes a deep breath, clearing away the last of such thoughts from his mind, and steps into the room. 

 

Minseok and Joonmyun spend the next week going around the country. They visit hospitals, nursing homes, and schools, staying long enough to make the headlines. It’s more for the publicity than anything else, a way of making the royal couple more approachable to the citizens.

It’s not an easy trip, considering that they have to visit several locations in one day. Minseok enjoys the first day, the freedom of being outside the palace. Even the unsteadiness of the airplane and the slight nauseous feeling in his stomach doesn’t deter his excitement at first. The recycled air in the cabin is still fresher than the air within the palace, and his chest doesn’t hurt with each inhale.

He hadn’t expected the number of citizens that would be there to greet them when they landed, the number of reporters with their cameras and microphones, snapping pictures and asking for a comment.

Minseok has looked forward to this event for a while, has done lengthy research on the places that they’re going to. But after the first few days, the names of the people he’s met start blurring together, and it’s all Minseok can do to keep smiling.

He can tell that Joonmyun’s really putting effort into this. It’s enviable how easily Joonmyun can give his all in so many things, can keep greeting people with the same enthusiasm no matter how tired he is. For someone who had trembled during their wedding that had aired on television, someone from the other side of the palace walls and from another life, Joonmyun’s caught on really quickly.

There’s just something about Joonmyun that puts the people at ease. Even the younger kids at the kindergartens they visit gravitate naturally towards Joonmyun. Maybe it’s because he was once one of them, from an average household with nothing particularly outstanding. 

Minseok smiles as he watches them cluster around Joonmyun. There’s a patient smile on Joonmyun’s face as he answers all of their questions, his voice steady and smooth as he reads from a picture book.

“You did well today,” Minseok says, when they’re in the car and leaving from the kindergarten. He can see some of the kids looking at them through the windows, and the seat between them is piled with letters that the kids had made.

“Really? Thank you.” It’s more than just Joonmyun’s background or his smile; it’s his ability of making a person feel special, like there’s no one else in the world.

Minseok swallows. “You’ve come a long way, for a commoner.”

Joonmyun falters for a moment before he laughs. “It’s thanks to you.” He picks up one of the cards and flips through it, saying, “Remember the day that we got married? You kept smiling to the crowd even when your jaw hurt, and you didn’t stop waving to the people.”

“It’s not that hard.” Minseok looks out the window, staring at the cars around them. They’d gotten stuck in rush hour traffic, and he doubts they’ll be able to make it to the dinner in time.

“I used to hate living in the palace.” Joonmyun’s staring out of his side of the window as he speaks, but his words are loud and clear in the otherwise silent car. “I almost thought I couldn’t keep going, but you were there.”

Minseok hadn't been there, though. Not at first. He hadn't entered into this agreement willingly, but now, it's hard to imagine living without Joonmyun. Maybe it's simply because of all the time they've spent together, a kind of fondness formed from seeing each other every day. In a sense, they're both alone, but they'd managed to find each other.

Minseok opens his mouth to say something, but he hesitates at the last second. He doesn't get another chance, since Joonmyun's phone starts to ring.

"Hello? Mom?" Joonmyun says, and Minseok tenses in his seat.

Dread sinks into his stomach as he watches Joonmyun's expression change, his initial happiness from hearing his mother's voice turning into shock, grief.

"When?" Joonmyun asks. His hand is trembling, the phone shaking in his grasp. Minseok wants to reach out and calm him, but he can only watch. It's like a horror movie in slow motion, only he already knows what's going to happen.

"I see," Joonmyun says. His voice breaks, and he blinks several times in rapid succession. "We'll be back in a few days. I love you too, Mom."

"What is it?" Minseok asks, as Joonmyun lowers the phone from his ear. He doesn't need an answer, since he already knows, but he can't help hoping that he's wrong, that he'd misinterpreted the situation.

"My grandfather's dead." Joonmyun's grip is tight around his phone, and Minseok's almost scared that he'll break the device. He reaches over to take the device from Joonmyun's hands, allowing Joonmyun to take his hand instead, and swallows the guilt that rises at the back of his throat.

"It's going to be okay." Minseok doesn't recognize his own voice, doesn't consciously think of his words as he traces nonsensical patterns on the back of Joonmyun's hand. At this point, it feels like he's trying to convince himself more than Joonmyun. "It's going to be okay."

 

Minseok remembers the days after his mother's father had died. She hadn't been at his deathbed, had heard about his death suddenly from one of her relatives.

His mother had explained it to Minseok, told him how he was to behave during the funeral, that he wasn't to make a big deal of it, that he had to walk right next to her, hold her hand, and not say a word.

Minseok doesn't remember his grandfather much. Most of his memory is based on old pictures he'd found in a forgotten photo album, or from a few moments he still remembers, like watching his grandfather play cards or drinking the gross herbal medicine that his grandfather had always claimed was good for his bones.

But Minseok does remember the day of the funeral, how his mother had been so composed even at her father's funeral. The reporters had been there, eager to broadcast the story, to find a weakness in the Queen.

She hadn't cried at all during the funeral. Her face remained in a neutral expression throughout the entire event, and the only sign that she was even affected by what was happening were times when she'd squeeze Minseok's hand too tightly.

"I'm sorry," the Queen whispered, when she finally let go of Minseok's hand. "I'm sorry," she'd said later, when they were in the car heading back into the palace.

It was only when they were back in the palace walls that the Queen collapsed, her shoulders shaking with dry sobs as she'd leaned against the wall for support.

Minseok had wanted to hug her then, offer her some form of support. Her father was one of the last family members that the Queen had left, one of her closest relatives. And even though he hadn't known his grandfather that well, even though he had been young, he'd wanted to protect his mother. He wanted to tell her that it was okay for her to show weakness sometimes, that she still had him, but in the end, Minseok hadn't said anything.

He'd stood a few meters away, watching as the Queen eventually sat down quietly on the ground. In the end, he hadn't been able to cross the distance between them, hadn't been able to cross the line between Queen and Mother.

The memory still haunts Minseok today, makes him wonder if their relationship today would be different if he'd taken that one step. It makes him determined to stay by Joonmyun's side, holding his hand throughout the funeral even when it's the last place he wants to be.

Joonmyun had cried the night before, his tears soaking through Minseok's shirt as Minseok had held him tightly. His eyes are still a little swollen, red around the edges, but his smile is as bright as ever when he greets the people who had arrived at the funeral.

Minseok stares at the flames by the casket, where offerings on pieces of paper are being burnt in honor of Joonmyun's grandfather. There's a picture on the table, showing Joonmyun's grandfather and Joonmyun together. It had been taken many years back, when Joonmyun was still a little kid, grinning at the camera. It's easy to see how close of a bond they had simply by looking at the picture, at how closely Joonmyun's grandfather is hugging him, how he's staring at Joonmyun with obvious love and adoration in his eyes.

Minseok glances back at the fire, where he'd offered his own sacrifices just moments before. The papers he'd placed on the flames are disintegrating into ashes. He wishes that guilt was as easy to get rid of.

 

Minseok had wanted to tell Joonmyun afterwards, confess that Joonmyun's grandfather's death hadn't been sudden, that the doctors had predicted it weeks in advance. But it's hard to tell Joonmyun something that could very well undo everything they've worked so hard for over the past months. It's easier finding excuses, reasons as to why now isn't a good time to bring up the topic.

Joonmyun's relying more on him now, allowing Minseok to see his vulnerabilities even when he does his best to hide it in public. He's putting more trust in Minseok, and he doesn't hesitate in holding Minseok's hand. They've gotten closer due to the incident, but Minseok can't bring himself to feel happy about it, can't return Joonmyun's smile without feeling almost overwhelmingly guilty.

He almost wants to look to his father for support, but he already knows what his father would say. After all, the King had gone through this as well, when he'd kept the Queen from knowing the truth about her father's condition. It was supposed to be for the good of the country, a priority for the royals.

It's not enough. It's inevitable that Joonmyun will find out about the truth behind his grandfather's death. Minseok knows that it'd be better for Joonmyun to hear it from him personally than from another source, but each time he comes close to broaching the topic with Joonmyun, he second guesses himself.

Minseok resolves to tell Joonmyun within two weeks after the funeral. He's trying to think of a good opening sentence as he walks into his room.

Joonmyun's already there, looking through some papers on Minseok's desk.

"What are you looking at?" Minseok asks, walking up behind him. It's not often that Joonmyun comes into Minseok's room uninvited.

The joke he had in mind, though, dies when Joonmyun turns around. His face is too serious, too solemn for a sudden visit. "You knew, didn't you?"

Minseok swallows, looking down at the papers in his desk. They're the papers that he'd received this morning and hadn't gotten a chance to look through, but from the title across the top of the page, he realizes that they're medical records concerning Joonmyun's grandfather. "Look, Joonmyun--"

"You knew all this time and you didn't even tell me. You let me think that everything was okay when we went around the country. You..." Joonmyun breaks off, breathing rapidly as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "I didn't even get to say goodbye to him."

"I'm sorry," Minseok says. He takes a step forward, trying to reach Joonmyun, but Joonmyun takes a step back. Minseok closes his outstretched hand into a fist, letting his arm fall back down by his side. His fingernails dig into his palm as he exhales slowly. "Look, there's nothing that you could have done--"

"You did know, didn't you? You and the rest of the nation. Did you laugh about how gullible I was, believing that Grandfather was getting better when he was lying on his deathbed? Does it make you feel better? I thought after all that time together, you'd at least care about me."

 _I do_ , Minseok wants to say, but Joonmyun doesn't give him a chance as he continues, "All of you royals are the same. Nothing matters except for you. You're all so self centered." Joonmyun pauses momentarily, staring down at the ground. "Give me a divorce." His arms are trembling from where he's gripping the table tightly with his fingers, but his voice is steady, confident. "I got married to you because of my grandfather. But now that he's gone, there's no reason for me to stay."

Minseok wants to disagree with him, wants to counter the statement, but when he looks into Joonmyun's eyes, he realizes that there's no point in arguing. "I'll see what I can do."

 

Minseok spends most of the afternoon looking over legal documents, going through proper procedures on terminating a marriage. It would be difficult getting a divorce as a crown prince, and even if they somehow succeeded, they’d be the first royals to do so. 

Annulment sounded simpler, but there was too much they had to prove. Besides, it wasn’t like they could pretend that the wedding hadn’t happened at all when it had been aired on national television and watched by millions of people. The whole nation knew what had happened, and there wasn’t much secrecy within the palace. 

After a few hours of going back and forth between papers, highlighting until his eyes hurt too much to stare at the neon colors anymore, and trying to decipher the legal jargon that was written with the sole intention of confusing readers, Minseok gives up. He leaves the papers on his desk as he walks outside under the guise of enjoying the afternoon sunshine.

Really, it’s more than that. He ends up walking to Joonmyun’s palace, standing by the window and looking in on the room. Joonmyun’s sitting on the ground before his tutor, his head bent over a book. 

It’s enduring, and even from the distance, Minseok can imagine the small lines of concentration at the corners of Joonmyun’s mouth, his lips moving silently when he stumbles across an unfamiliar phrase. 

Minseok’s seen Joonmyun grow and change over the past months, but being so close to Joonmyun also means that he hadn’t been able to see many of the smaller details. He can still faintly remember when Joonmyun would do anything to get out of going to his lessons. He’d fake sickness or even hide somewhere within the palace, complaining about having to learn “another language” when he was eventually caught. 

He had been so bright and vibrant then, a source of color in a place that had become dead over the years. It was like a breath of fresh air after being locked up in so long.

But the Joonmyun today seems to follow instructions without complaint. He arrives at all of his lessons punctually, absorbing the information presented to him. He doesn’t complain and just keeps smiling like he’s fine with it.

There’s a difference in his smile, though. It’s become less of an expression of true happiness and more of an automatic reaction—something expected, not earned. 

As much as Minseok wants to believe that Joonmyun’s grown, that this is better, he knows that it isn’t true. In the end, everyone has their own breaking points, and Joonmyun seems to have reached his. 

Minseok watches as the lesson comes to an end and Joonmyun stands, bowing to his teacher. It won’t be long before Joonmyun leaves the building. Minseok turns, intending to leave before Joonmyun sees him. 

He’s not fast enough, since there’s a hand on his arm a moment later, stopping him. “What are you doing here?” Joonmyun asks. He sounds a little out of breath, like he’d ran over when he’d seen Minseok.

Minseok steps away, giving Joonmyun a little space before he answers. “I was just walking by. You’re done with your lesson?” 

Joonmyun nods. “Are you going somewhere?” 

“Nowhere in particular.” Minseok reaches up to fix Joonmyun’s hair, smoothing down messy strands. It’s funny how some things still haven’t changed. “Do you want to come with me?” 

Joonmyun hesitates before he nods, falling in step next to Minseok. “Sure.” 

Their hands brush as they walk, and Minseok’s tempted to reach out and close the last of the distance between them. In the end, he doesn’t, reminding himself that this is better. This way, when they do separate, there won’t be any unfinished ends, any neglected pieces of moments they’ve spent together. It’s better this way, he tells himself, and ignores the voice in the back of his head that’s telling him he’s so, so wrong. 

 

Minseok’s nineteenth birthday party is a lavish affair. The King and Queen rent out the entire island for a weekend, inviting as many guests as they can while keeping the whole event a secret from the media. The worst way of crashing a birthday party, Minseok’s learned, is having the paparazzi over.

He’ll be given more responsibilities in the coming year, but he’ll also be gaining more trust from his parents and the country. He can already tell that his parents are relaxing their reins on him, if only a little. His team of bodyguards has been decreased slightly, and he’s been given more freedom in his actions. 

_Just wait a little longer,_ Minseok tells Joonmyun silently, hoping that he can convey his feelings without saying them aloud. He’s building up the trust, and it bothers him slightly, knowing that he’ll have to deceive everyone in the end. 

But right now, his priority is setting Joonmyun free. There had been a time when Minseok had wanted to be free, too. Even though he’d lived in the palace his entire life, it had never felt like a home to him. It was a place with too many ghosts, too many traditions, too many little details that reminded him that he couldn’t possible belong here. Even though he was the Crown Prince, he still had to abide by the rules. In the end, he was the one stuck in the cage, held up for display for the general public. 

He’d wanted to be on the other side of the walls once, to simply walk down the streets without having to worry about reporters and bodyguards following him, to hang out with his friends without worrying about whether the activity would tarnish his reputation. 

Yet, after meeting Joonmyun, he’s learned that the situation doesn’t have to dictate his life. He’s come to appreciate the finer details that he’d never noticed before—the flowers blossoming in the garden, the stars in the night sky overhead, the wide assortment of dishes at the dinner table. 

Most of the guests are already at the resort when they arrive, crowded in the lobby downstairs. Minseok takes Joonmyun’s hand as they walk through the door, smiling when heads turn in their direction. He feels Joonmyun’s slight shudder, but Joonmyun doesn’t try to lean away or let go of Minseok’s hand. 

They have to greet a lot of the guests. Minseok hasn’t even met most of them before, or he was introduced to them only briefly and they’d never left a definite impression on him. It’s not like he really cares to know them beyond the political advantages that they can provide in the future, and it’s not like they really care about knowing him beyond what he can do for them when he becomes the king. 

Joonmyun stays by Minseok’s side through most of it, only speaking when he’s directly spoken to. Minseok brushes the back of Joonmyun’s hand with his fingers when the man they’d been speaking to walks away. They only have a few moments of breaks between birthday wishes and long political discussions. At this point, Minseok almost wishes that Baekhyun would come over and drag him away. However, even Baekhyun knows how important this event is to Minseok’s political future. 

“I found you.” Minseok’s startled out of his thoughts by a voice next to his ear and a hand on his shoulder.

He doesn’t have to look over his shoulders to know who it is, but he looks anyway, not entirely trusting his own ears. “Luhan?” 

Luhan grins, taking the seat next to Minseok. “Why do you sound so surprised?” 

“You told me you couldn’t make it.” Minseok takes a sip of his drink, staring at Luhan as he sets his glass down. “You said you’d be in another city for some charity event.” 

“I changed my mind.” Luhan shrugs, his casual manner a sharp contrast to the formality of the event, and Minseok smiles at him. “Where’s Joonmyun?” 

Minseok glances to his right, only to find the seat empty. “He was here a minute ago.” He wonders how Joonmyun managed to slip away without him noticing. He almost gets up to look for Joonmyun, but he shakes his head, staring down at the melting ice cubes in his glass of lemonade instead. “He’ll be fine on his own.” 

“He looks happier now. Healthier. He’s been adjusting well, huh?” 

“Yeah.” Minseok swallows, throat closing around the rest of the words that he wants to say. Before, it hadn’t been this difficult. He and Luhan had always known each other’s deepest secrets, had shared memories together that no one else ever knew about. But the distance they’d spent apart could never be compensated for, and it was inevitable that there would be parts of their lives that the other wouldn’t know about. Minseok hesitates in telling Luhan about Joonmyun, about a decision he hasn’t yet made and the loose ends that he still hasn’t managed to tie up. It’s not a matter of doubting that Luhan wouldn’t support him through everything; it was more of an acute awareness of the distance between them. 

“You look troubled,” Luhan says, picking up on the little details in Minseok’s expression. “Do you want to leave for a bit? Let’s get out of here.” 

It makes Minseok smile, now, to think about the days when he’d thought that he and Luhan were compatible. And maybe they were, in all the expected ways. They’d grown up together, so close that they managed to fit and fill each other’s empty spaces. But they’d grown apart just as quickly, and he’s learned that no matter how many seconds they manage to steal, they’ll never be able to outrun time. 

Yet it’s still easy to take Luhan’s hand and slip away from the lobby, walking out into the warm spring day. 

“I brought you a birthday present,” Luhan says, sitting on a bench next to Minseok. “I wasn’t sure what kind of music you listen to these days, so I tried to find a mixture of different genres.”

Minseok takes the box that Luhan hands him, his fingers sticking to the double-sided tape along the borders of the messily cut wrapping paper. It looks like it had been done last minute, but when he opens the gift—an MP3 player with multiple playlists—he knows that the gift had been anything but spontaneous. 

There are songs on here that he’d grown up listening to on the radio, songs that he and Luhan used to listen to late at night. There are also more recent hits, tunes that Minseok had liked, titles that he’d entered into the search bar when he had time. There are also song titles that he doesn’t recognize, artists that he’s never heard of. It’s obvious that these are all hand-picked, though, and even if it doesn’t seem like much, Minseok can imagine all of the hours that Luhan must have spent compiling the playlists. 

“Thank you,” Minseok says, and he doesn’t need to say more than that for Luhan to understand his genuine appreciation. 

“It’s the latest MP3 player, but I know you already have one.” Luhan unwraps the earphones from around the MP3 player, scrolling through the playlists. “I don’t think you’ve heard this one before.” He leans over to put one of the earphones into Minseok’s ear, putting the other into his own ear. “It’s a new song and it’s not that popular, but I think you’d like it.” 

Minseok closes his eyes as the first notes start playing, relaxing in the familiarity of his surroundings. 

 

The Queen doesn't often come in unannounced, so when she walks in a few days after Minseok's birthday celebration, her agitation obvious in the frown on her face and the sharpness in her tone, it's clear that something's wrong.

"Mother," Minseok says, half rising from his seat to bow.

She barely acknowledges him, slamming the papers in her hand onto the table with enough force to rattle the dishes. "Can you explain what this is?"

Minseok swallows hard when he sees the picture on the newspaper. A dozen excuses come to mind, but when he sees the Queen's fury, he doesn't dare say any of them.

Joonmyun gets up as well, leaning over the table to look at the newspapers. A soft gasp leaves his lips, and Minseok closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath.

He hadn't thought that any of the reporters would be at the island. It was supposed to be a private celebration, and the exact location was never released to the public. None of those details matter, though, when there's a particularly incriminating picture on the front page of the newspaper.

It was taken on late afternoon on the first day, when he and Luhan had been sitting together on the bench. There's a safe distance between them, an ease in being around each other that comes from years of friendship and understanding. But the way the photos had been edited makes the friendly meeting look like something more.

Minseok flips through the pages of nearly half a dozen newspapers and magazines, and each picture seems to be worse than the last. There's a shot of the backs of their heads, a picture of Luhan smiling as he puts a earphone by Minseok's ear, another of their faces just centimeters apart in a private conversation, and pictures of them leaning against each other, the cord of the earphones between them.

If that's not enough, the headlines and captions scream for attention. It's obvious that the reporters are exaggerating the situation, but the bigger the exaggeration, the more likely the public will buy into it.

"Well?" the Queen asks. Maybe it's just the lighting or her mood, but she looks older, the wrinkles at the corners of her mouth and eyes more pronounced than ever.

Minseok looks up from the papers, meeting her eyes. "I thought the party was going to be a private affair."

"You should have been more careful. I'll see what we can do," the Queen says, picking up the papers. "We tried to stop the pictures from spreading, but they're already all over the internet. It's not going to be easy."

Joonmyun turns to Minseok the moment she leaves. "What was that about?"

"Nothing," Minseok replies shortly, sitting down in his chair.

"It's my business too. I'm your husband, aren't I?"

"Not for much longer," Minseok says, and looks away from Joonmyun's eyes.

 

Minseok and Joonmyun had a live interview scheduled weeks ago, but even with the recent news, it's been decided that they shouldn't cancel the interview.

"This is your chance to redeem yourself," the Queen had said, the _Don't mess up this time_ unsaid but conveyed in her tone.

If anything, the pictures only made the public more interested about the interview, curious as to what the royal couple would say about it.

Minseok knows that the pictures and Luhan will likely be the focus of the interview, but the host takes his time getting around to the question. He makes small jokes, asking thoughtful but irrelevant questions. It's not until near the end of the interview that he clears his throat, sitting up a little straighter.

"I have a question I'm sure the rest of the country would like to know the answer to." He pauses for dramatic effect, and the silence that falls is almost suffocating. "What do you have to say about the recent news?"

"You mean the pictures?" Minseok asks, fidgeting with the microphone in his hands. He waits for the host to nod before continuing, "I was just with a friend. That's all it was."

The host hesitates, momentarily thrown off. He recovers quickly, though, shuffling his notecards as he asks, "And your friend's name is Luhan, correct? Weren't the two of you dating at one point?"

Minseok blinks. He wasn't aware that his relationship with Luhan was public knowledge. But he should have known better than to expect any privacy. "Years ago, yes. We broke up a long time before I met Joonmyun."

"So there's nothing going on between the two of you?"

"Nothing." Minseok pauses for a moment for that to sink in before continuing, "Luhan is a close friend of mine, but there's nothing more between us. I love Joonmyun, and only him."

The host nods, seeming satisfied with the answer. "How does Your Highness feel about the Crown Prince?" he asks, directing the question about Joonmyun.

"I'm confident that the pictures in the news were just a misunderstanding." Joonmyun glances at Minseok, and Minseok finds that his hands are shaking. "But actually..." He bites his lip, adjusting his mouthpiece. "We've been thinking about divorce."

Minseok can hear the murmurs from the audience, can already imagine the commotion that this news is going to create across the country. He smiles, fighting to remain calm as he puts a hand on Joonmyun's leg. "That's true. We thought about it before, when Joonmyun was still new to the palace and had difficulty fitting in. He's not much different from any of his. He was weak and alone when he first entered into the palace, and it was like entering into a different world without anyone else by his side. He went for months without seeing his family members, but in the end, he's become the prince that we, myself included, have come to love. We were brought into this wedding by a promise between our grandparents, but in the end, we were the ones who chose to get married and remain in this marriage. So please look into your hearts and forgive us," Minseok says. He lets out a shaky exhale as he finishes, lowering the microphone from his lips.

Thankfully, the interview ends there, the host thanking them for their time before the lights overhead dim. Minseok gets up from his chair, impatient to leave.

Joonmyun catches up to him when he's just meters from his car, grabbing Minseok's wrist and keeping him in place. Minseok turns, ready to a sharp remark on his lips, but Joonmyun beats him to it. "I really like you." Joonmyun's voice is soft, but he's staring steadily at Minseok. "I know it probably doesn't mean much to you now, but I really like you."

There are reporters gathering around them now, trying to get a statement from them after the interview. Minseok turns away from the flashing cameras and waving microphones, pulling his arm out of Joonmyun's grasp. "Get into the car."

 

Luhan calls later that evening, when Minseok and Joonmyun are sitting in the library. Something had changed, whether it was because of Minseok's birthday celebration, the interview, or Joonmyun's confession.

Joonmyun had looked uncomfortable as he'd walked into the library, even though this had become a routine for both of them. It was a way of relaxing after a long day, sitting side by side on the couch and reading, or just leaning against each other's shoulders when one was tired.

But this time, Joonmyun had sat in the couch across from Minseok instead, opening his book and curling up around the armrest.

Minseok kept glancing at Joonmyun, unable to concentrate on the documents that he was supposed to be reading.

When Minseok's phone rings with the incoming call, Joonmyun looks up, catching Minseok's eye for a moment before looking down at his book again.

Minseok answers the call, bringing the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Are you okay?" Luhan asks.

"I'm fine." Minseok slides his papers back into his folder, placing it on the couch next to him. "How are you?"

"Don't worry about me. It's not a big deal over here, and most people don't even know about it." Luhan sighs, his breath crackling over the phone. "I saw the interview. Is it--is it true?"

"The divorce?" Minseok says, noticing how Joonmyun starts a little at the word. "Yeah."

"No, I meant where you confessed your feelings to Joonmyun." Luhan laughs. "It was really romantic that you proclaimed your love before the whole nation."

"Has my acting gotten better? I've been taking acting lessons lately." Pretend, smile, and hide your darkest secrets. It's a lesson that Luhan's learned as well.

There's silence on Luhan's end before Luhan says slowly, "Minseok, you don't have to pretend with me."

"I know." Minseok's always known, but it doesn't mean that he hasn't tried.

"Look, if you ever need anyone, I'm here."

"I know," Minseok repeats. He waits for Luhan to ask about the divorce, and he isn't sure if he's supposed to be relieved or disappointed when Luhan doesn't. "I'm hanging up."

Joonmyun's staring at him as he ends the call. "Was that Luhan?"

"Yeah." Minseok stares down at the dark screen of his phone. "He was just calling to check on the news." There are probably investigations going on to find out who the photographers were, where the articles had originated. They could be fined, charged for libel, but it doesn't matter. The damage has already been done.

"Do you remember what you said during the interview?" Minseok doesn't answer, but Joonmyun continues anyway, "Was it true?"

"Don't bring up the interview again," Minseok says, putting his phone into his pocket. "I've never had to beg like that before. If you'd just kept your mouth shut then, I could have given you the divorce that you wanted."

"Did you mean those words?"

It would be so easy to laugh it off, to say that he'd only confessed to avoid public suspicion. Maybe then, they could ignore Joonmyun's confession and part ways without looking back.

But when he looks into Joonmyun's eyes, sees the warm honesty in them that had captivated him from the first day, Minseok can't bring himself to utter the excuses he'd made up.

"I'll tell you at our next event," he says, ignoring the nagging feeling in the back of his mind.

 

Their next event occurs a week later, when they're invited to attend a classical concert. It's an attempt to divert the bad press they've been getting the past few weeks, a form of socialization. Minseok used to attend these events with his parents and his younger brother, but now, for the sake of planting an image of a happy royal couple, he attends them with Joonmyun.

Joonmyun starts dozing off halfway through the first movement, his head dropping as the solo violinist starts playing. Less than a month ago, Minseok wouldn't have hesitated in pulling Joonmyun closer, letting Joonmyun rest his head on Minseok's shoulder.

It seems like now, they've redrawn the boundaries between them, taken as many steps backwards away from each other as they've taken towards each other. So Minseok leans over instead, lightly poking Joonmyun's arm to startle him awake.

"Is this really that boring?" He means to ask the question in a light, teasing tone, but he has to keep his voice quiet in the hall, so his whisper comes off as harsh, rebuking.

"I'm sorry," Joonmyun says, his words clipped and formal.

Minseok keeps glancing at Joonmyun throughout the concert, watching as Joonmyun plays with the buttons on his shirt and shakes himself, blinking hard when he starts to fall asleep.

Joonmyun gets up after a few minutes, murmuring an excuse about going to the restroom before leaving. Minseok glances down at his watch, waiting for five minutes before getting up and going out after him.

Minseok still remembers the first time he had to attend a concert. He had been a young child then, uneducated in the finer aspects of music, bored before the orchestra had even begun playing. He remembers the sticky, sweet cherry flavored lollipop his mother had given him to keep him quiet, and even then, it was difficult to keep still in his seat. After that night, he'd never eaten another lollipop.

Since then, he's gotten used to attending these events, behaving the way that he's expected to. But there are still moments when he wants to escape, when he wants to attend a pop concert rather than a classical one, when he wants to run around outside rather than sit in a chair and pretend to be interested.

The blast of air conditioning in his face the moment he steps out of a concert hall is somewhat of a relief, a fresh breath after being stuck in the same room with so many people for so long.

Minseok finds Joonmyun in the bathroom when he walks in. The other is washing his hands at the sink, his phone set on the counter before him. Joonmyun meets his eyes through the mirror, looking almost defeated when he sees Minseok.

"Why are your eyes so red?" Minseok asks. The bathroom is empty other than the two of them, and his voice echoes over the sound of running water. Joonmyun doesn't answer as he keeps scrubbing his hands. He's purposefully stalling, letting the water drip over his hands and down the drain. “Who were you talking to?” 

Joonmyun walks over to the automatic hand dryer, and the sound is almost enough to drown out his next words. “Jongin, my brother.” 

Joonmyun stands at the hand dryer longer than strictly necessary, and Minseok doesn’t try to talk over the noise. Eventually, Joonmyun drops his hands, spinning around to face Minseok as the hum of the hand dryer dies away. “What are you doing here?” 

“You said you wanted to know if I was sincere during the interview.” 

Joonmyun looks away. “You told me that you didn’t want to talk about it.” 

Minseok moves to block Joonmyun when the other steps towards the door. He keeps walking forward, one step forward for each step Joonmyun takes backwards, until Joonmyun’s back is against the wall. “I told you that I would answer you at this event.” 

Joonmyun’s still avoiding his eyes. “Not now.” 

“I want to answer you now.” Minseok sighs, putting a hand under Joonmyun’s chin to make the other meet his eyes. “Joonmyun, it doesn’t matter. We’re going to be separated in a few months anyway, and when that happens, you can go back to being happy outside of the palace walls.” Minseok had once thought that happiness could only exist outside of the palace walls, but he’s learned that he can find happiness inside as well. Spending the rest of his life within the palace doesn’t sound as dreary anymore, and neither does letting Joonmyun go. 

“Minseok.” Joonmyun’s eyes are too bright under the lights. He swallows, but he doesn’t continue. 

“I wasn’t lying,” Minseok says. He puts a hand against the wall, leaning against it for support. “I wouldn’t say something like that for the sake of publicity.” _I couldn’t live with you for so long and not love you_ , is what he really means to say, but he doesn’t say it. Minseok can’t decide if he’s thankful or regretful that Joonmyun can’t read him as well as Luhan can. 

“I didn’t want to know.” Joonmyun’s voice falters, and he stops, blinking rapidly. “I told you that I didn’t want to know.” 

“I wanted to tell you.” Minseok takes a deep breath. He’d known that nothing good would come out of confessing, but at least he’s been able to tell Joonmyun the truth. After all the time together, Joonmyun at least deserved this month. He brushes his thumb along the corner of Joonmyun’s eyes. “Let’s go back. The concert’s going to end soon.” 

The concert ends just as they’re walking back, the doors opening and noise filtering outside. 

“Thank god,” Joonmyun says, and Minseok hides a smile behind his hand. 

 

Minseok rarely has a chance to talk to Luhan these days. They’re lucky if they can even talk to each other on the phone once a week, and their scheduled times are constantly pushed back due to conflicting schedules. 

So when he receives an unscheduled phone call from Luhan one night, and the other starts crying over the phone, Minseok knows that something’s wrong. 

“I know I didn’t tell you this before,” Luhan says, when he’s coherent enough to explain what had happened. He hiccups a little between his words, and Minseok smiles as he tells Luhan to drink some water. 

“Getting to it,” Luhan mumbles. He’s back on the line a moment later, voice clearer as he says, “I was dating a girl for the past four months, and I just broke up with her. She’s going overseas, and I already know…” _I already know how much that’s not going to work,_ he doesn’t say, but Minseok understands. He knows because no matter how much he and Luhan had tried over the years, they simply weren’t able to overcome the distance. And Luhan hadn’t wanted to try again, hadn’t want to put what he had on the line again. 

“I’m sorry,” Luhan says, after a long silence, and Minseok shakes his head even though he knows Luhan can’t see it. 

“I’m always here for you. You know that.” 

Minseok doesn’t hesitate to leave that night, making up an excuse about having to see a friend as he gets into his car. He drives to the airport, barely arriving in time to get on the last flight of the day. 

It’s past midnight when he lands in Beijing, nearly empty-handed as he goes through customs. Luhan’s there, though, smiling brightly as he welcomes Minseok with a hug.

“You didn’t have to come,” Luhan says, when he finally steps away. 

“You would have come for me,” Minseok points out. 

Luhan shakes his head, laughing. He reaches his hand out to flag down a cab when they’re outside. “Where do you want to go?” he asks Minseok when they’re in the cab. “I can take you around the city. Do you want to stay in a hotel or stay at my place?” 

“Let’s go out for a drink,” Minseok says, smiling when Luhan raises his eyebrows. “I’ve never gone before.” 

There are so many things he’s never done, and being in another country far away from his responsibilities opens up a whole world of possibilities. He remembers why he’s here, though, and he’ll probably have to leave early the following morning. 

“Never?” Luhan repeats, sounding almost incredulous.

“I’m not as privileged as you,” Minseok says, leaning over to elbow Luhan. He’s had alcohol at formal dinners, taken sips of bitter red wine and forced himself to swallow to keep up appearances. He’s never had alcohol for the sake of simply having alcohol. When his friends had reached the experimenting age during high school, he’d always been the one to opt out on the plans, making up excuses even though they all knew the reason why he couldn’t participate. 

“I’ll take you somewhere nice,” Luhan says. He turns to the driver, telling him something in Mandarin that Minseok only understands a few snatches of.

A moment later, the cab pulls away from the airport. Minseok stares out of the window at the glaring neon colors of the city, and keeps staring even when his eyes hurt from the strain of staying awake for so long. He’d never been able to fall asleep on airplanes, always feeling like he was being suffocated from all of the other passengers around him. He’s even less secure now, without his bodyguards at his side, in a foreign country and unable to speak the language. 

But Luhan’s by his side, and Minseok has no doubt that Luhan will be there to help him. 

“This is a lounge,” Luhan says, when the cab pulls up before a building. He points at a door set on the corner of the street, over which a sign with bright blue characters hangs. “Come on.” 

The doorman stops them to check their IDs, frowning a little when he sees that Minseok’s is in Korean. Luhan explains to him, speaking quickly with a few hand gestures that nearly hit the guy in the face. The doorman seems satisfied by the explanation, handing Minseok’s ID back to him and holding the door open for both of them. 

“It’s a high class place,” Luhan says, walking in before Minseok. “Not what you expected, huh?” he asks, noticing how Minseok’s stopped to take in his surroundings. 

“Not at all,” Minseok says. 

It hadn’t looked like much on the outside, just another one of the businesses crowded on the same street. The street outside had been littered with cigarette butts, and there hadn’t been any windows to look into. The inside is a nice, relaxing atmosphere, though. Music is playing softly through the speakers and the dim lights overhead paint the room in soothing shades of dark purple and blue. The conversation around them is hushed, quiet. 

It’s the perfect place to have a drink, and Luhan laughs when Minseok says as much. “It’s not a bad place,” Luhan agrees as he leads Minseok to one of the couches. “My treat,” he adds, as he goes to order a drink at the counter. 

Minseok’s careful to take measured sips when Luhan returns with the drinks. It’s the first time he can actually see why people become so addicted to alcohol, the first time he’s had to keep from drinking too much. Luhan doesn’t have such limitations, finishing several glasses in rapid succession. He brags about his alcohol tolerance, his cheeks flushed a light pink under the lights. Minseok stops Luhan from ordering another drink.

“You’ve had enough,” he says, pulling Luhan close so the other can rest his head against his shoulder. 

“Thank you,” Luhan says, just when Minseok had thought he’d fallen asleep. “Thank you for spending today with me. I haven’t talked to you a lot these days, but…” 

“It’s okay,” Minseok says, looking down and smiling when Luhan blinks at him. “Let’s get you back to your place before you pass out over here.” 

He supports Luhan as they walk outside. Maybe he’s had a little too much to drink as well, since the bright lights of the world around him are suddenly blurry. He laughs when Luhan says something, but he doesn’t know what Luhan had said, doesn’t know why he’s laughing. He’s just looking at Luhan and thinking that the present time is a great time to be alive. 

 

Minseok really isn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. He’d barely managed to wake up before dawn and buy a plane ticket back to Korea. By a stroke of luck, no one had seemed to notice him, so he’d slipped back into the palace walls fairly silently. But when he walked into his palace, Joonmyun was waiting for him. 

“Where were you?” Joonmyun asks. He’s sitting in a chair in their shared living quarters, a tablet before him. He’d obviously been waiting for Minseok, and Minseok looks away from him as he takes off his jacket. 

“Out,” Minseok replies shortly. 

“Where?” Joonmyun presses, and Minseok sighs, agitated. 

“With friends. Why does it matter?” He just wants to go to his bedroom and collapse onto his bed, ignoring everything on his schedule for the day. 

“Look.” Joonmyun turns the tablet around so that Minseok can see the screen.

It takes Minseok a moment to make out the picture. The quality is bad and the image is blurry, but at second glance, realization dawns on him and he stiffens. Joonmyun just swipes to the next picture, each clearer than the last. 

Minseok hadn’t even considered the possibility of anyone finding him in China. But here, before him, are pictures of him and Luhan together last night—images that he doesn’t even remember, images that no one should know about. There are many pictures of Luhan’s head against Minseok’s shoulder, the image making the friendly position seem almost scandalous. The angle of the camera and the comments under the images make the friendly smiles and eye contact seem like they’re so much more. 

Minseok sits down in a chair, unable to look away from the pictures. It’s like someone is trying to purposefully ruin his marriage with Joonmyun. It can’t be simple coincidence that the reporters had managed to capture two of his closest moments with Luhan, and had then managed to spread it across the Internet, turning an innocent relationship into a scandalous affair. 

“You were with him last night, weren’t you?” Joonmyun asks. His voice is too nonchalant, like he’s trying his hardest to pretend that he doesn’t care. 

Minseok hesitates, briefly debating on whether or not he should tell Joonmyun why he was there, offer some sort of excuse. He reminds himself that he doesn’t owe Joonmyun anything, that he shouldn’t need anyone’s permission to be able to comfort one of his closest friends. “I was.” 

“I probably shouldn’t ask.” Joonmyun presses the power button on the tablet, and the screen fades to black. “But these rumors about you and him—are they true? I know that you guys used to be boyfriends, but do you still have feelings for him?” 

“I don’t,” Minseok says, holding Joonmyun’s gaze as he answers. “There’s nothing between us.” 

Joonmyun nods slowly. “That’s all I wanted to know.” 

 

The news doesn’t blow over. They wait for a whole month as the elders discuss their future. It seems like the general public is against their marriage now, as most of them are convinced that it’s a simple political union without any genuine affection. The royal family’s ratings have gone down, mostly due to complaints about the royal family lying to the public. 

At this point, a divorce would pretty much be impossible. It would be admitting that the rumors about the royal family being a con would be true, that Minseok and Joonmyun never had any feelings towards each other. 

They both know that it’s anything but true. Now that they both know where the other stands, Minseok isn’t sure if he can let Joonmyun go. 

He leaves his apologies when his hand brushes against Joonmyun’s as they kneel next to each other before the elders, or in the snacks that he sneaks into the palace and leaves by Joonmyun’s door.

Eventually, it’s decided that Joonmyun will leave the country. It’s an attempt to erase the slate, to start over again. He’ll be gone for two years, long enough to be forgotten by the mass media, to find himself in the world outside of the palace walls. 

Minseok’s against the elders’ decision at first, but then he remembers the light in Joonmyun’s eyes as he’d told Minseok his dreams, remembers how brightly Joonmyun had smiled outside of his palace. 

He’s there to see Joonmyun off at the airport. The ride there is silent, but when the car pulls up before the airport, suddenly, it feels like Minseok doesn’t have nearly enough time to say all the words he’d wanted to say. 

He hugs Joonmyun outside the airport doors, ignoring the onlookers around them. “You promise me you’ll be back?” he says, closing his eyes as he breathes in Joonmyun’s scent and feels the steadiness of Joonmyun’s heartbeat against his own. He can hear the softness of Joonmyun’s breath by his ear, nearly drowning out the sound of the cars’ horns around them. 

“I promise.” Joonmyun turns his head a little, pressing a light kiss to Minseok’s cheek. “Two years isn’t that long.” 

Minseok knows better. He’s learned from experience that two years’ distance is enough to destroy a lifelong friendship. His feelings change from minute to minute, so there’s no guarantee that in two years, he’ll still like Joonmyun and vice versa. 

But there’s no way of being sure, so Minseok smiles as he lets go of Joonmyun. “I’ll see you in two years,” he says, walking with Joonmyun up to the security checkpoint. “Take care.” 

He waves as Joonmyun passes through security, and keeps smiling even when Joonmyun turns away. There are photographers and reporters around them, taking pictures and asking for a statement. It’s the last that the world hears of Kim Joonmyun for a while. 

 

Minseok used to imagine a brighter sky, brighter stars on the other side of the palace walls. When he was younger, he used to climb up the wall, sitting on top and wanting to jump over and leave the place behind.

But he's come to realize that some dreams are only dreams, that there are expanses of possibilities everywhere, as long as he cares to look.

It takes time and effort, but slowly, Minseok's finding parts of his life that he'd somehow lost or overlooked. He regains the people and Parliament's trust one step at a time, learning through mistakes with his father's guidance and his mother's encouragement. He allocates an hour a day to spend time with his younger brother, playing outside or just watching television with Jongdae. And whenever he has free time, he volunteers at a local animal shelter.

There are many days in between when Minseok doesn't get to contact Joonmyun at all. Their emails are long but infrequent, their phone calls short and hurried. And as much as Minseok tries to keep Joonmyun updated on what's going on in the palace, as much as he tries to keep up with how Joonmyun is doing overseas, sometimes, it simply isn't enough.

There are times when Minseok wants to just forget it all. Sometimes, when he reaches out only for his fingers to close around empty air, when he walks out of the bedroom because he can't sleep and he's searching for a familiar figure, he's hit with a deep sense of loneliness. There are times throughout the day when he pulls out his phone because he needs to hear Joonmyun's voice, only to remember that it's midnight where Joonmyun is.

Somehow, Joonmyun had managed to fit himself into Minseok's life. Minseok's come to associate home with Joonmyun, has gotten used to having someone by his side wherever he goes.

There are days when the hours seem endless, long months punctuated only by deadlines and meetings. There are times when Minseok just feels like he's on autopilot, carrying out others' wishes without a clear idea of what he wants.

Yet there are also better times, like sitting with Jongdae in the grass after a long game of soccer, taking in a stray puppy and watching it grow, and having long phone calls with Joonmyun late into the night.

The two years pass by too quickly and too slowly at the same time, but soon, Joonmyun's discussing his plans of returning to Korea. Home.

Minseok isn’t at the airport when Joonmyun lands, and even when Joonmyun arrives at the palace, he doesn’t get to say much more than a greeting. He remains quiet as Joonmyun greets the elders, sitting patiently through long stories and discussions. 

Minseok takes the time to simply observe Joonmyun, taking in the little details that he hadn’t been able to spot through their video chats and pictures. 

Joonmyun had dyed his hair a dark brown, and his skin is slightly tanner from hours spent out in the sun. He looks much happier, more at ease as he talks to the Queen Mother. 

During the months that they’d spent apart, Minseok had thought over all the words that he wanted to say when Joonmyun came back. But later, when they’re finally excused to return to their shared quarters, he finds it difficult to say any of the things, to even start a conversation with Joonmyun. 

“Are you not happy to have me back?” Joonmyun asks, his tone light and teasing.

“Of course not,” Minseok says, but he hesitates in saying anything else, remaining a safe distance from Joonmyun. 

“It’s not like we’re strangers,” Joonmyun says. He leans back against a table, resting his weight on his palms as he stares at Minseok. “Unless if…” There’s a vulnerability in his eyes, an uncertainty in his expression.

“I just want to start over,” Minseok says quickly, before Joonmyun can draw any other implications. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring box, setting it on the table by Joonmyun’s hand. “Let’s get married again.” It doesn’t have to be a public event—it doesn’t even have to be official—but this time, Minseok wants to do it right. He wants to be in a marriage that stems from mutual feelings of affection and not from an old promise made between two friends. He’d even handpicked the rings instead of just giving the rings that his grandfather had chosen for them. 

Joonmyun doesn’t respond for a while, staring down at the box. Minseok swallows, his fingers tugging at a loose string on his sleeves. He hadn’t even dared to consider the possibility that Joonmyun would say no. He’d thought that as long as Joonmyun came back, it meant that Joonmyun was willing to live in the palace, that he still had feelings for Minseok. He’d thought that—

“Do you not want to?” Minseok asks. 

Joonmyun looks up, his eyes widening in realization before he quickly shakes his head. “I want to.” He’s smiling brightly, a smile that Minseok once thought could only exist outside of the palace. Joonmyun closes the distance between them, hugging Minseok tightly as he says, “I’d love to start over again with you.” 

Minseok hugs Joonmyun back, closing his eyes as he buries his head in Joonmyun’s hair. It hadn’t been easy getting this far, and he knows better than to expect their relationship to be perfect from here on out. There will always be challenges and failures, but as long as Joonmyun’s by his side, he doesn’t doubt that they’ll be able to get through them together.


End file.
